Be My Escape
by swarley and sparkles 5ever
Summary: The year is 2016, Robin and Barney have just gotten divorced, and both are struggling to cope.
1. Before The Worst

Something wasn't right. She was so exhausted, her body begging her mind to turn off and fall into the deep serenity of sleep. Robin rolled onto her right side, and pulled the thick comforter up to her neck. She closed her eyes, and tried taking deep breaths. Finally she got entranced in her thoughts, she was sinking deeper and deeper into the abyss of sleep, but something wasn't right. She extended her left arm, and was jolted from her early stage of sleep as it fell on the empty mattress.

Robin sat up, momentarily disoriented, her pajamas and bedspread were the same, but something was different. She had her three pillows stacked high, her Canadian flag coffee mug was full of water on her bedside table. Everything was exactly as she liked, but something was missing. Tears rolled down her face as she realized what it was. _He_ was missing.

Two pillows next to her were still in their silk blue cases, however they sat higher than usual, the normal weight of someone sleeping on them was gone. She lifted the blanket to her face, and took a deep breath, it smelled of lavender laundry detergent, but vague traces of his scent lingered. Robin reached under her pillow, her heart began to race, and tears blurred her vision, making the article of clothing in her hand hard to see. She held the soft dark grey tie tightly in her hands, sobbing quietly.

Robin and Barney knew the first night apart after the divorce would be difficult, but this was worse than she imagined. Her heart had been ripped from her chest, Robin cried until she couldn't cry any more. Her hands shook, and she gasped for air. She cried so hard and so loudly she became nauseated, Robin got up and ran to the bathroom.

Her hands glued on the seat of the toilet as her stomach lurched and she dry heaved into the bowl. Robin wanted to throw up, she wanted to feel better, but there was nothing left. She felt empty, she couldn't remember the last time she'd eaten anything, and her stomach cramped fiercely. It was as though her body was punishing her for the emotional pain and turmoil she'd gone through.

After twenty minutes of gagging and gasping for air, she decided there was no use in keeping her head against the porcelain seat, she had nothing in her to vomit up. Pulling herself away from the toilet, Robin pressed her back against the wall, and sat on the cool tile of the bathroom floor. Knees pressed tight against her chest, arms wrapped around her body, Robin felt as though she was holding herself together. She placed her chin on her knees and squeezed her eyes shut, begging the universe to make this pain stop.

At this point she didn't even know where the pain originated from, or where it was the worst. Her entire body felt cold, but not the kind of cold the eventually makes you go numb. No. It was the painstakingly unbearable cold, the one that made you feel as though someone had stabbed icicles into each and every nerve in your body. She shivered violently, and clutched tighter at her body. This searing pain wouldn't go away, it wouldn't fade. She wondered if she would be forced to live the rest of her life like this, cowering in a corner of a bathroom, hiccupping as her sobs settled.

This wasn't who she was, Robin knew pain, she knew how to handle it, but this was something new. It's like someone she knew had died, it was like she died, she began to wonder if a piece of her had. The part of her that was optimistic, the part of her that was in love, the part of her with hope. She wanted to know where that Robin was, because she was most certainly not here. Curled up in a ball in an empty apartment in Brooklyn, this was not where that Robin lived, this is where Sad, Divorced Robin resided. During the day Sad Robin was kept at bay, WWN had her working like a dog and she loved it. Working hard meant no time for friends, not time for family, no time for emotions. Robin had thrown herself into her work, taking on more assignments than ever before, and finishing them in record times. Her bosses were impressed by her increased productivity, and her coworkers were envious. But they didn't know. They didn't know about her lonely nights with a bottle of scotch glued to her hand, and her empty nights with tears flooding her pillows. They couldn't see her garbage can full of tissues, or her weekend spend at the gun range.

She hated Sad Robin, she begged for her to leave, but misery loves company, and Sad Robin had taken up permanent residence within her mind. She knew exactly where Optimistic, Happy, Hopeful, Fun Robin had gone, the moment she lifted her pen off the divorce papers, she felt it. She looked into Barney's eyes, and watched as the person she was when she was with him drowned in his baby blues. When he hugged her, and closed the door to her cab, she felt that part of her leave. The cab drove off, and the person she once was stayed in the rearview mirror, standing next to her now ex-husband.

She breathing had begun to stabilize, though it was still not normal. Robin dragged herself to her bed, and laid back down, throwing her body against the memory foam mattress. She listened as the clock next to her ticked, seconds passed, then minutes, finally hours went by. Robin was no closer to falling asleep than she had been earlier, she stared at the window on her wall and watched as the dark sky gradually became lighter. She checked her clock, it was a quarter past four. Two hours until she had to be at work, and Robin had yet to get a single moment of rest. She knew what she needed to sleep, _who_ she needed.

Perhaps it was the delirium caused by sleep deprivation, but she had to go and find him. She got out of bed, and got dressed. Robin fixed her hair, brushed her teeth, and covered the bags under her eyes the best she could with her foundation. Robin grabbed her purse and keys, she opened the door, and jumped at the sight of a man standing before her. She blinked a couple times, and once it was clear that her eyes were not playing tricks on her, she barely managed to gasp out his name, "Barney?"


	2. Better Than Me

A/N: Thank you for your kind reviews :) I got really into this story and couldn't stop writing all of last night, so expect there to be updates sooner rather than later. This chapter is a bit lengthy, and jumps around in time, hopefully you guy will enjoy it :)

**Sidenote: The chapters are named after songs from my Swarkles playlist, I'll try to post the playlist on tumblr soon, and I'll add a link to it here , so stay tuned. **

* * *

"Barney? What are you doing here?" Robin asked, she was shocked by his appearance before her, and he was at a loss for words. _What am I doing here?_ Barney asked himself as he recalled the events of that night.

* * *

Earlier that day, they had finally gotten the last of her stuff out of The Fortress of Barnitude, and into her new apartment. It hadn't been easy for either of them, but they'd done it amicably.

Barney expected that he wasn't going to feel "awesome" for a couple days, but after she left, something changed. The atmosphere in the room shifted, The Fortress had become much more of a home in the three and a half years that they lived together. He looked around, and a cold chill passed through his body, the living room had a frigid, uncomfortable aura around it. Barney decided to pour himself a scotch, he had been through a lot recently and a drink was called for.

He walked to the kitchen, and opened the cabinet, removing a single glass. The first glass he took out had a tiny chip on the edge, it was so small, had he not known it was there he would've never even spotted it. Staring at the tiny chip, he was overwhelmed by a debilitating sense of sadness. He thought back to The Night of The Chipped Glass.

* * *

The Rolex on his wrist told him it was a quarter past eleven, Robin had told him she was going to be a little late tonight, but that was over two hours ago. Annoyed, Barney took out his phone and called her, _Hi, you just reached Robin Scherbatsky, I'm unable to take your call at the moment. Leave your name and numb—_Barney hung up the phone, and tossed it on the couch. He hated when her phone went straight to voicemail, as he walked into the kitchen to pour himself a glass of Scotch, the clicking of locks caught his attention.

Robin opened the door, and he sighed in relief, "Wow, look who finally decided to show up." He greeted sarcastically. She rolled her eyes, "Nice to see you too Barney." He muttered something incoherent under his breath and went back to pouring himself a drink. "You know, most husbands greet their wives with a kiss and a 'Honey, how was your day?'" She did little to hide the annoyance in her voice.

Barney stopped pouring his drink and turned to face her, he couldn't believe that _she _was mad at _him. _"Yeah, and most wives answer their phones when their husbands call." He said as he grabbed his drink off the counter and walked toward where she was. Robin placed her jacket on a hanger in the closet, "God, sorry that my phone died, I must be the worst wife in the world."

Her sarcasm was not helping the situation, he felt the anger brewing, "Robin, you're in an office all day, you mean to tell me you can't charge your damn phone!?" Robin pushed past him, and grabbed her purse off of the couch, she pulled out a charger and held it up to him, mockingly. She stomped over to the outlet next to the kitchen sink, and plugged in white wire. The angry silence between the two was broken by the sound of her phone turning on. "Happy?" She asked in a tone that made his blood boil.

"Just one time. ONE TIME. I'd like to come home and see my wife _before_ midnight!" He shouted and he walked over to the other side of the counter she was standing behind. She took off her watch and dangled the shiny silver piece of jewelry in front of his face, "It's _eleven twenty-three_. So, you're welcome." She told him condescendingly.

He pushed her hand down, causing her to drop the watch against the countertop, "Way to go jackass, you probably just scratched it." Robin picked up her brand new watch and examined it closely, "For God's sake Robin, I'll buy you a new one!" He was so tired of her avoiding the real problem, which was that she was late _again, _which lead to them missing their dinner reservations _again._

"That's your response to everything isn't it? You're always trying to spend money on things we don't need!" She shouted, "Well you work so damn much, I'm sure we can afford it." He spat back. Robin turned around, reaching for a glass from the cabinet. She shook her head as she poured Scotch into the glass. "You knew what my hours were like before we got married. We both knew this wouldn't be easy, but you agreed. You _wanted_ this!" Robin took a sip from her drink as he spoke.

"I know that! You think I don't know that? Robin, you put your job first, I've known that from the moment I met you. You have always been married to your job, but you seem to forget that you're married to me too. When I was still working at GNB, I worked crazy hours, but I _always_ made time for you. Always. When is it my turn Robin?" Barney was sick and tired of always coming second to her career, he understood she loved working, but he just wished they could find a better balance.

"When you were working at GNB, you never complained about not seeing me! Now that you're unemployed, you get to be sad because you're realizing that I work? Grow up Barney, I actually have a job where I am needed for long hours, because what I'm doing is _important_." Robin instantly regretted what she said, and look on Barney's face only made it worse.

After leaving GNB, Barney tried to officially launch his Bro Bibs enterprise, but it only took six months before it had tanked. This was a sore subject for him, and she knew she'd delivered a low blow. Robin reached to grab his hand apologetically, but he pulled away from her.

"Barney, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that—"

"But you did Robin." He interrupted, and she sensed the pain in his voice.

She took on a softer tone when she responded, "I'll try to make it home earlier, but I am preparing for the big trip to Argentina next month. And you know how crazy work gets before any of these trips." She had walked behind him, and placed her hands on his shoulders. Robin gently rubbed his tense muscles, but he shrugged her off and walked towards their bedroom, drink in hand.

Robin followed after him, and grabbed his arm to pull him turn him towards her. Unfortunately, she hadn't noticed Barney raising his glass to his mouth to take a sip, the action of her pulling his arm sent the glass straight into his front tooth. Barney cursed in pain, and Robin's eyes widened as she realized what had happened.

"Oh my god Bar—" her apology was cut short when he turned around and she saw just what she'd done. She immediately burst out laughing, then quickly covered her mouth to stifle her uproarious laughter. He was about to ask what she thought was funny about this, but stopped after he made the "th" sound. Something didn't feel right.

He looked down into his glass, and saw his once amber colored Scotch was now clouded with bright red blood. But the most horrifying part of it all was the small white tooth that sat at the bottom of the glass. He touched his hand to where his front tooth once was, and winced in pain. "My toof, my toof!" He panicked, and Robin tried her best to hold back laughter while she handed him tissues to stop the bleeding.

He grabbed the tissues and ran to the bathroom, Robin heard him scream from the kitchen, and began to laugh again. "This isn't funny Robin." He tried to tell her angrily as he walked out of the bathroom, holding gauze to his mouth. But the words came out muffled, and every time he made the "th" sound, it sounded ridiculous, causing her to only laugh more. He watched as she tried so hard not to laugh, and he wound up cracking a smile. Robin's laughter was contagious, and before long, he too was laughing out loud.

Thankfully, Barney knew a twenty-four hour dentist, and was able to get his smile fixed within a couple hours. It was two in the morning when they finally made it back to The Fortress. Barney was still groggy from the procedure, they hadn't put him to sleep, but he had passed out when he saw the needle they had to place in his gums. With his arm hanging limply over her shoulder, she half-dragged him into their bedroom, and helped him get into bed.

Robin removed his shoes, and tie, she began to take off his suit, and saw him smirking at her. "So its true?" He mumbled, and she looked at him with a confused expression as she took off his suit jacket. "'Member when we were in MacLaren's? You said, if a guy's missing teeth, you're missing your pants. I guess it was true. Here I am with one less tooth, and you're undressing me." She stopped unbuttoning his shirt, and stared at him. Although that was definitely something she'd say, she couldn't remember when she had said that. Confused, she asked "Barney, when did I say that?" He shrugged, and added nonchalantly, "2008."

Robin sat next to him, and stared into his glazed over eyes, he smiled at her. Any lingering tension from their fight earlier had completely evaporated, she was always amazed by his ability to remember the tiniest details about her. Things she didn't even know about herself, or remember saying, he knew. Robin leaned over and kissed him on the lips, it was a quick kiss that ended when he yelped in pain. "Sorry! Oh my god, Barney are you okay?" He grimaced, but nodded through the pain. Robin kissed his forehead, and undressed him, leaving Barney in just his boxers. She pulled the comforter over his exposed chest, and changed into her pajamas before joining him in bed.

* * *

He frowned as he stared at the chipped glass in his hand, The Night of The Chipped Glass, had taken place only six weeks before they signed the divorce papers. He sat on the couch, holding the empty glass, and wondering where it all went wrong. He thought he had finally found the one person who he could actually be with for the rest of his life.

Barney sighed, and placed the glass on the coffee table. He walked to the bathroom, and the cold chill from the living room followed him. He stared sadly at the toothbrush holder on the side of the sink, his toothbrush looked so small in there by itself. Barney brushed his teeth, and walked into the empty bedroom. His bed had only a single pillow and blanket, just a few years earlier this wouldn't have bothered him. But tonight, the sight of the bare bed made him want to vomit.

Robin had left only a couple hours earlier, and he already missed her more than he knew was possible. Barney threw himself onto his bed, still fully dressed, his head buried in his pillow. He reached his hands underneath it, and felt lace material graze his fingertips. Barney sat up on the bed, and tossed the pillow on the floor. A black, lacey piece of clothing laid crumpled on the bed, he picked it up slowly and stared at it.

A piece of Robin's black lingerie sat in his hands, and he smirked as he thought of the last time this was worn. But the smile quickly faded as Barney realized the next person she'd wear it with wouldn't be him. The idea of another man seeing Robin in her sexy black lingerie, infuriated him. He thought about other men, looking at her with lust in their eyes, them kissing her neck, touching her bare skin, making her moan in joy, Robin screaming their name. "NOOOO!" Barney yelled as he ripped the thin lace in half.

His heart was racing, and his chest rose and fell quickly as his breathing increased. Barney's blood boiled, the vein in his forehead pulsated and his knuckles were white from gripping at the black fabric so tightly. Not living with Robin was painful enough, not having someone to make pancakes for , or someone to share his day with almost killed him. Sleeping alone in the bed was going to be more than a challenge, but the idea that she may one day be with other men, made him homicidal. This was unacceptable.

Barney hadn't just gotten used to the idea of Robin being the only woman he'd sleep with for the rest of his life, he actually enjoyed it. He never thought monogamy could be such a huge turn on for him, but he had changed. Jealously coursed through his veins at the mere idea of other men finding Robin attractive, let alone her actually being with them. He wanted to run to her apartment, and tell her that he never wanted her to be with anyone but him again.

Barney raced to her apartment, but when he finally got there he realized what he was doing. This was completely and utterly insane, they were divorced, and they'd gotten divorced for a reason. Robin wasn't something he could own or control, she was a human being. She deserved better, she deserved the opportunity to focus on her career and not have to worry about putting a strain on their relationship. He realized he'd made a mistake coming all the way out here, not to mention it was past four in the morning. Barney was about to walk away from her front door, when it opened, and Robin seemed just as shocked to see him as he was to see her.


	3. Let Me Go

A/N: I am trying to update this everyday or every other day, but it's finals week so this is not an easy task. I will do my best :) Secondly, a lot of people said it was sad, I'm sorry, it will cheer up eventually, but right now I really want to explore the depth of their grief.

* * *

"What are you doing here?" Robin asked, her tone conveyed confusion rather than annoyance, she waited patiently for Barney to respond. "I .. uh.." his baffled expression quickly changed to what she recognized as his "I just got a great idea" face.

"I came to return this, you left it in our—er I mean my room." He smiled sheepishly as he pulled a tattered piece of black lingerie out of his pocket.

Robin was now more confused than ever as she slowly took the clothing from his hands, "You came out to Brooklyn, at four in the morning, to return a ripped piece of lingerie I left?" He shrugged, it definitely wasn't the best lie he'd ever come up with, but it was the only one he could think of, so he went with it. "Exactly. Besides, I was just on my way to work, and your place is in the neighborhood. So, it was no big deal."

"Um … Barney,"

"Yep?"

"You run a blog ..."

"Yup."

"… from home."

"Exactly."

"So you realize what you just said makes no sense then."

The two stared at each other for a moment, "A simple thank you would've sufficed." Barney said in mock annoyance, and turned to leave. Then it hit him, he quickly swiveled back and pointed at her accusingly. "Wait a second, what are you doing leaving your apartment at four in the morning?"

Robin didn't know what to say, she stuttered and mumbled some incoherent excuse about work and crazy hours. Barney squinted at her, something about her wasn't right. Her voice was a bit hoarse, he could see she'd tried to cover up the puffiness under her eyes with makeup, her nose was slightly red, and her eyes were the bluest he'd ever seen them.

"You've been crying." He told her, his voice softening with concern.

"Have not." She denied quickly.

"Don't lie to me Robin. Why were you crying?" he asked seriously.

She no longer wanted to have this conversation, so she changed the subject back to him. "Why did you rip my lingerie?"

"Whaaaaat?" Barney said in a shocked voice, he was hoping she wouldn't notice.

"Why did you really come here?" Robin demanded.

"Why were you leaving your apartment?"

The two stared at one another, searching for the truth, both too stubborn to respond first. Finally Barney caved, "When I found that under my pillow, I freaked. I totally Ted out about the whole idea of you being with someone other than me.

"I was pissed, so I came over here. I don't know what I was planning on saying, but I realized it didn't matter. You're a grown up, you can make decisions for yourself, and now that we're _divorced_,"

They both winced at the word, and Barney continued, "you have every right to be with other men. I'm sorry I ripped it, I know its one of your favorites. I'm sorry I even came."

Robin watched as Barney turned around and walked down the hallway, towards the elevator. She closed her eyes, and heard herself call his name. "Barney wait!" she ran into her apartment, and came back down the hall where he was, holding something in her hand. "This, it's yours." She said as she handed him the gray tie, he looked down at his favorite tie in her hand. Barney was about to rant about the small stains on the tie, when he realized they were her tears.

He shook his head and closed her hand over the tie, "Keep it." The elevator dinged, and opened in front of him, but neither moved. Barney's hand was still on top of Robin's and as their skin made contact they both felt it. A shock of electricity, an instant reconnection. They were lost in each other's eyes, lost in the feeling of being whole again. They'd finally found their missing piece.

The elevator closed, and Robin snapped back into reality. She pulled her hand away from his, and cleared her throat. "So, um … I'm going to uh … get back to my apartment." Barney nodded, he told himself to let her go, he knew it was best. As he watched her turn her back to him and walk down the hall, he thought his heart would explode. He had never felt this kind of intense pain before, it was the kind of pain that makes you want to stop breathing.

* * *

Three loud knocks on her office door made Robin jump, she lifted her head off her desk and wiped drool from the corner of her mouth. "Come in!" She called as she fixed her hair, and reorganized the papers on her desk. This was the second time today that she had fallen asleep at her desk. "Robin, we need to talk." Her supervisor said as he walked into her office and sat down on the other side of her desk. She gulped nervously, and plastered a fake smile on her face, "Of course. Is everything alright?"

"Robin your work has been phenomenal lately." She breathed a sigh of relief, and the tension in her posture began to subside. But then her supervisor told her something she didn't expect, "However, according to our records, you have been working astronomical hours, and you have about two weeks worth of vacation time you haven't used yet."

Robin looked at him confused, "I'm sorry sir, I don't see the problem." "Scherbatsky, we are telling you to go home."

"Excuse me?"

"Go home. You don't have kids right?"

"No sir." She said, trying to bury the pain in her voice, thankfully he didn't notice.

"Perfect, you have 13 days to do as you please. Go on a shopping trip, or a vacation, spend sometime with your husband." Robin flinched at the word. They'd agreed not to tell anyone yet, including their closest friends. But Robin knew it wouldn't be easy to keep this a secret.

"Just get out of here." He added with a chuckle.

* * *

An hour later, Robin was back at her apartment, suddenly the exhaustion she'd felt earlier evaporated. Sadness took its place, and she sighed as she kicked off her heels and threw herself on the couch. The Michael Kors watch on her wrist told her it was only two in the afternoon. "It's happy hour somewhere." She muttered to herself as she popped open a bottle of expensive red wine and drank straight from it.

She was in the middle of an episode of a cheesy medical drama, when her iPhone rang. "Go for Robin." She answered instinctively, and immediately regretted it. The pain from realizing just how much of Barney's mannerisms she had picked up from living with him was enough to knock the wind out of her.

On the other end of the phone, Tracy was genuinely surprised that she'd gotten through to Robin on the first try. "Robin!" She said excitedly, "Oh my god, you answered. Wow, I didn't expect that. Is everything okay at work? Do you have a second to chat?"

Robin looked around at the empty, dark apartment, took another sip of wine, then replied, "Yeah, I'm kind of in the middle of some stuff. So can you make it quick?"

"Oh, yeah of course. Well Ted and I finally finished furnishing the house, and we were hoping you and Barney could stop by this Saturday?"

Hearing his name was almost as bad as seeing him earlier that day. She closed her eyes and winced, "Robin? Is that okay for you guys? If you're busy we could always change it to Sunday or Monday or really any day you're free, because—"

"Yeah, Trace, Saturday is great."

"Awesome. Make sure Barney can make it, because we really want the whole gang there."

Robin nodded, and heard the shakiness in her own voice as she held back tears. "Hey um Tracy?"

"Yeah, Robin, what's up?"

"I've got to get back to work now."

Tracy sensed something was wrong, but figured Robin didn't want to talk about it, and she didn't want to pry.

"Right. Sorry. See you Saturday then."

"Got it."

"With Barney."

"I wouldn't bring anyone else."

Tracy giggled, "Seven o'clock."

"Mhmm. Bye Tracy."

"Bye Ro—" Robin hung up her phone and dropped it to the floor. She closed her eyes and took another large gulp of wine.

Robin woke up feeling disoriented, and out of place, for a brief moment she didn't recognize her surroundings. Sitting up, and looking round the living room, she realized she was in her new apartment. There was no Stormtrooper against the wall, no giant sword behind the couch, this place might as well have been a foreign country. Brown cardboard moving boxes remained half-unpacked against the walls, and the television was less than a quarter of the size she was used to.

Robin stood up, and stretched, this new sofa was not nearly as comfortable as the worn out leather one Barney had. Her neck felt stiff, she rubbed it tenderly as she walked to the bathroom. After using the bathroom, she stripped down to her bra and underwear and stared at herself in the full length mirror. Robin's body looked no different than it had just a few weeks ago, aside from the bags under her eyes and the redness from crying, the rest of her remained the same. But for some reason she didn't feel nearly as beautiful as she had back then.

Today she looked in the mirror and saw someone who was miserable, it was as though her world had been drained of color. Even things that normally made her smile, barely phased her, like the perkiness of her breasts, or the length of her finely toned legs. Today some of her favorite features were no more than just body parts.

She knew if Barney were here, he'd pull her hair to one side and kiss her neck, then reassure her that she was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. And she would believe him. He had a way of making her feel as though nothing and no one else in the universe mattered to him, except her. When he stared into her eyes, time stopped, along with her heart.

"Stop thinking about him!" She yelled at her reflection, "This is mental abuse Scherbatsky. Cut it out. You are stronger than this. You are better off." But her voice waivered as she told her reflection that last sentence. Robin wasn't sure if she believed those words, and wondered if she ever would.


	4. Exit Wounds

A/N: Originally I was having some difficulty with this chapter, for a few of reasons

(1) its very long - over 2,000 words

(2) I had no idea how I was going to end it

(3) I was debating if I should switch between characters in this one chapter ultimately I decided to keep this chapter in Barney's voice and continue to alternate them

Thankfully, I did finish it - and in one day (self five) but I know some of you have had some concerns regarding the fate of Swarkles, let me just say that this fic is absolutely 100% **PRO SWARKLES**. I **PROMISE** that they will get the beautiful ending they deserve. So if you bear with me through all the ugliness and heart wrenching sadness, you will see them together again. I won't tell you when, because I don't want to ruin anything, but don't worry, Swarkles is very much endgame.

Lastly, enjoy and tell me what you think in the comment section.

* * *

Barney struggled with his chopsticks, every time he'd finally gotten a grasp on something, it always seemed to slip between the chopsticks before actually reaching his mouth. After twenty failed attempts he gave up and got a fork, he was finally about to have his first bite of food, when his phone rang. Barney stuffed a dumpling in his mouth and answered the phone without bothering to check who was calling. "Go for Barney." He said through a mouthful of dumpling.

"Hi Barney." Robin's voice was hesitant, and wavered as she said his name.

Barney nearly choked on his food as Robin's voice came through the receiver. He pulled the phone away from his ear and checked the number, it really was Robin calling. He gulped his half-chewed food, and responded in a deeper, more suave voice, "Heyyy Robin."

"So, um we've got a bit of a situation."

Barney sat up, his tone quickly changing to one of concern, "What happened?"

"Nothing too awful, but we were invited to dinner at Ted and Tracy's."

"Oh," He paused, he didn't see a problem there, Ted and Tracy could be a little annoying with how sickeningly alike they were, but they were still two of his best friends. And seeing Ted so happy, after years of moping about finding "The One" was a refreshing change."So what's the big deal?" he continued.

"No Barney, _we_ were invited. She called me for the both of us."

"Oh." Barney said, as the meaning behind Robin's words sunk in.

"We're going to have to tell them."

"About our sex tape?"

"_Barney_." Robin said unamused.

"You're right, they aren't ready for that." He waited for her to laugh, instead she sighed in frustration, and Barney knew he had to be serious, "Okay, so then we tell them."

"I don't think I can." Barney heard the fear in Robin's voice, and he tried to think of a way they could continue to keep this a secret.

"Ok, um … Here's the deal, we keep our left hands covered at all costs, and if they ask about Argentina, then and only then do we tell them. Deal?"

Robin liked the sound of that, it calmed her nerves a bit. "Deal."

They agreed to meet at The Fortress on Saturday at six, that way when Marshall and Lily came to pick them up, they could keep up their charade. Barney hung up the phone, and looked at his food in disgust. Suddenly his appetite was gone, and the nauseating loneliness he'd felt the night before returned. He cleaned the table, and laid on the couch, the white light of the television screen flashed against his face, but he wasn't actually watching.

He fell asleep on the couch that night, not wanting to go to his room. His bed still smelled like Robin, and walking into the bedroom they once shared was excruciating. The ghosts of their relationship still haunted it, lingering, send a cold chill through the room. The ghosts were everywhere, from the sheets that they once spent an entire day in, entangled in each other, to the dresser that he had bent her over time and time again. The Fortress was no longer his safe haven, instead it was a painful reminder of the life he and Robin once had.

Barney wanted to cover up his feelings with an easy lay, and a new suit, but he couldn't, it hurt too much. He had no motivation to write new plays, no desire to sleep with random women, other women barely even turned him on anymore. Being with anyone who wasn't half as talented as she was would be an insult, not just to Robin but to the Barnacle as well. The way he saw it, Barney had gotten used to a certain standard of "care", so to speak, and anything less than that would be a disservice to little Barney downstairs. Bimbos just wouldn't cut it, he needed to detox his system of Robin before he could attempt to fill the hole in his heart with one-night stands.

* * *

_Bro Blog : For The Upscale Sophisticated Gentleman_

_10/19/16_

_Alright Bros, it's Wednesday again, so you know what that means … BONER JOKE OF THE WEEK! At first I thought it would be __**hard**__ to __**cum**__ up with these, (Self-five) but then I remembered, I'm awesome. Actually, before today's joke I think my followers - or should I say Bro-llowers - need a brief Bro History lesson - _

Barney's phone vibrated next to him, interrupting his train of thought, he rolled his eyes in annoyance, and continued typing.

_It was late Bro-ctober, the year was nineteen-Bro-two, the late Dr. Broner was conducting an experiment –_

His phone vibrated again, wanting the interruptions to stop he checked his text messages. Barney muttered aloud, "I swear to god Ted, if you send me one more "food for thought" article I'm going to—" but his empty threat was stopped midsentence when he saw the text was not from Ted, but Robin.

_I need to stop by, WWN's Halloween party is next week. I think I left my costume at your place._

His heart sunk, she'd referred to The Fortress as "his place", that was going to take some serious getting used to. He scrolled down and read the second message from her.

_Is 3 okay?_

He checked the time, it was a quarter to two, Barney wondered why Robin wouldn't be at work, but didn't ask. Instead he texted her back,

_See you at 3_

* * *

The big hand on the clock was just past the four and the little hand rested firmly against the three, when three soft knocks sounded against the door.

Awkwardness instantly set in as Barney opened the door, and realized he didn't know how to greet her. A handshake was too formal, and a hug seemed to intimate, so he did the first thing that came to mind. Barney lifted his hand up for a high five, and Robin looked at him quizzically. She stared at his hand, then back at Barney and shook her head, "Robin, its already up there, I cannot put it down now." She rolled her eyes, but he could've sworn he saw a hint of smile as Robin lifted her hand and lightly tapped it against his.

"Can I just get my costume now?" Barney nodded, and held the door open as she walked past him into the bedroom. He followed, and watched from the doorway as she scoured the closet, sifting through his suits. "Barney, you didn't get rid of it did you?"

Barney tilted his head slightly as he thought back to a week earlier, it was two days before the movers arrived and Barney was helping her pack.

"So I guess, this is it, huh?" Barney asked as he took her clothes out of the closet one by one and placed them on the bed. Robin was folding the clothing as she spoke, "I guess so." "On the brightside I'll have way more room for my suits." He laughed awkwardly, and Robin smiled to hide the pain in her face.

They continued in silence, Barney removed more clothes, and Robin folded them. Barney pulled a black garment bag out of the closet, and stared at it, Robin looked up and gasped when she saw what he was holding. "Don't—" she tried to stop him, but it was too late. Barney had unzipped the bag, and a wave of sadness cascaded over them, flooding the room.

They stared nostalgically at the floor length red gown in the bag, the deep v neckline and sparkling fabric were unmistakable. Robin shut her eyes tight, and took three deep breaths to steady herself. Barney closed the black bag, and looked at her apologetically, "I'm sorry." He said breaking the silence, and Robin nodded, refusing to look at him. "Me too."

The awkwardness between them was almost unbearable, until Robin finally spoke up, "Look, I don't want this to be weird. We tried, honestly we did. Maybe we just aren't the kind of people who can do this. We're not Marshall and Lily, and it sucks but maybe we are better off." Barney nodded, but he didn't agree with what she was saying.

He didn't believe it, because the way he felt about Robin would never go away. However, he knew that distancing himself from her was what she wanted, it would make success in her career easier. Barney was willing to endure whatever pain this divorce caused him if it meant that Robin could access her full potential. He knew what an amazing journalist she was, and when she offered him an out, he figured she wanted him to take it. Barney constantly wondered if they would still be together had Robin never suggested the out, but was afraid to know the answer.

They resumed their small assembly line, the tension in the room was buried under the false belief that they were doing what was best. Barney joked about Robin's hockey jerseys, and she rolled her eyes, but laughed anyway. He helped her sift through her clothing, and together they organized her wardrobe into three piles; keep, donate and storage. Each pile was then put into a large plastic bin, and labeled accordingly.

"No, I put it in that pile you had." He said, returning to the present.

"Which one?"

"The one with the clothes Robin, I don't know."

Robin was annoyed, "Well it's not here. So either you threw it out or put it in storage." she'd come all the way out to his apartment for no reason.

Barney walked to the kitchen and came back with his keys, he removed a small silver from the rest, and handed it to her. Despite the divorce, they still shared a storage locker, the majority of the stuff in there was Robin's anyway, so it was just easier. They agreed that eventually they'd get separate ones, but neither was ready to do that now.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Barney knew that their storage locker was a huge mess, and it would take her hours to sort through all their stuff alone.

Robin shook her head, "I think it's best I go alone."

* * *

Later that night, after Robin left, Barney walked laid on his bed and turned on his DVR. He scrolled through a list of titles until he found what he was looking for. It was a news special from early August, about the latest political scandal in France, and Robin was reporting on it.

It was the last trip they'd gone on before Argentina, and was one of their best. Paris, the city of love, and boy did they prove that right. Barney and Robin made love everywhere and anywhere they could. Robin had one day off of work, and he had surprised her with a day trip to Leucate Plage, which is known as one of the best nude beaches in the world. With the wind in their hair, and the warm sand against their bare skin, neither had ever felt more at peace.

They'd been lucky, the week they visited was a dry one, in fact a heat wave had hit, and temperatures skyrocketed into the high 80s. Robin lied next to him, her body bare, with only her wedding band on her left hand and sunglasses over her closed eyes. He watched as the warm glow of the sun danced along her pale skin, making her body glisten, he'd never seen a more beautiful person in his life.

Barney smiled as Robin's voice filled the room, and he reminisced over the trip. At the very end of her segment she winked, and he chuckled as he remembered how fired up Robin would get from watching herself do the news. But watching Robin on TV was not only a huge turn on for the both of them, it filled him with a sense of pride that he couldn't quite understand.

Barney restarted Robin's report at least a dozen times, until finally he stopped watching. The smooth tenor of her voice lulled him to sleep, and for a brief moment, the pain in his chest lessened. "Reporting live from Paris, France, I'm Robin Scherbatsky." Were the last words he heard as he drifted slowly into his dreams.


	5. Broken

A/N : Okay, I am sorry I didn't update this sooner, but it was finals week and I was busy. Thankfully I am officially done with school until August 25th (YAY!) which means I'll (hopefully) have more time to write and revise, etc.

Originally this chapter was reeeeeeeeeeeeeally long, like unrevised it ended up beings 15 pages. However when I went back and started revising it, I realized it was jumbled and all over the place. So, I took it apart and cut out a lot of nonsense, and wound up with 2 normal chapters and this one which I realize is like half the length of the other chapters. I'm sorry it's so short, but I just felt like I had to add this, because its symbolic and whatever ... anyway this chapter will be more relevant in the later chapters so ... just ... okay?

One last thing, some of you may have noticed that each chapter is named after song titles, well I created a playlist with all the chapter titles that I've written so far (this includes 2 chapters I haven't posted yet). Anyway, I chose each of these songs to go according to the content of each chapter, as I update more I'll add more songs to the playlist. You can check it out here playlist?list=PLNY-RyVhbbCkT-FR5sBM47SCOA2yf8QIF

Enjoy and leave some feedback :)

* * *

"Alright, you can do this. It's just a storage unit, you will be fine." Robin took three deep breaths, and placed the small silver key into the thick padlock. She shimmied the key inside the lock and turned it, a clicking sound followed. Robin tossed the heavy lock to the ground, then turned to the keypad on the wall. She scowled while typing in the four digit code, _0526, _she cursed her past self for choosing their wedding date as the passcode. The keypad beeped, and the large blue metal door lifted, revealing the catastrophe that was their storage unit. She sighed, this was going to take a while.

* * *

The clock on Robin's phone told her it was a quarter to eight, she had fifteen minutes until closing, and was still without her costume. Robin had been searching for hours and yet all she'd found were Christmas decorations, beach chairs, old CDs, a box of stuff they never returned to Ted, and the ducky tie. She stood up, slung her purse over one shoulder, and was about to leave when something caught her eye.

Robin walked to the back of the storage unit, being careful to step around the slew of boxes in her path, and stood in front of a clothing rack. Unlike the other three racks, which held Barney's retired suits, this rack had only two items hanging on it. Robin slid her shaking hand over the black garment bag, and then the white one. The word "Kleinfeld" was written across the white garment bag, confirming her fears. She ripped the bag off the rack, and ran out of the unit, securing the padlock and reentering the four digit code before racing back to her apartment.

* * *

Robin unzipped the bag and stared at the Monique Lhuillier dress lying on her couch. The corset top, twisted mesh detail that began and the bust and wrapped over the shoulders and down the arms, were all too familiar. Robin slid out of her clothes, and slipped into the mermaid cut dress, her hands resting on the embellished waist of the gown. Her wedding dress still fit as perfectly as it had the day she first wore it.

Holding up the tool bottom of the dress, Robin walked barefoot into her bedroom, and stood before the full length mirror. The sight of her own beauty made her cry bittersweet tears. She looked absolutely stunning, the dress was modest yet sexy, sophisticated but feminine, modern and classic, it was the perfect reflection of who she was.

Robin closed her eyes and was transported back to her wedding day, and she relived all of it.

The fear and anxiety at the thought of a lifelong commitment, running out of the church and straight into Tracy. Waves of pain passed through her body as she remembered Barney's vow to her. His reassurance that he would always be honest with her was one of the best moments in their relationship. She recalled the ceremony, the ring bear, the vows they made before their closest friends and family. Robin's left hand ached as the memory of Barney slipping the wedding band onto her finger resurfaced.

She could still taste their first kiss as husband and wife, Barney's lips were tender, and sweet. He held her tightly and dipped her down, without breaking the kiss. In that moment nothing existed outside of that kiss, she couldn't hear the clapping of her friends and family, she couldn't hear the instrumental version of Sandcastles in the Sand playing in the background. The entire universe consisted of her and Barney, and when they walked hand in hand down the aisle, a sense of euphoria filled her. Robin didn't know it was possible for her to ever love anyone this much. She never thought this day would come for her, and with Barney nonetheless. Everything about that day was perfect, the ceremony, their first dance, their first night together as husband and wife.

Robin opened her eyes, and realized she was on the floor, her hands shook uncontrollably, and her heart raced. The pressure on her chest made her think she was having a heart attack. Her thoughts raced as she struggled to control her breathing. She blinked twice, trying to make the room stop spinning, but it was no use. She couldn't see her surroundings, the panic had flooded body, Robin was powerless against it.

Her breaths turned to gasps, the room was too small, her head was too full, and her dress was too tight. The corset was suffocating her, the air was thick, Robin's lungs worked overtime to keep her breathing, as she searched the back of the gown for a way out.

Placing her hand against the dresser, Robin tried to steady herself. Something cold touched her hand, to her right she saw a red pocket knife with a white label that read "Property of Ted Mosby". Instinctively, Robin grabbed the knife and flipped open the blade. She held the blade close, and felt the shiny metal graze her skin as she tore through her gown. The sound of the knife slicing through the fabric calmed her, the dress became looser the deeper she dragged the knife.

Robin stood before the mirror, the pile of fabric at her feet, and she could breathe again.


	6. Where The Story Ends

A/N: Despite the title, this is NOT the final chapter, its named after the next song on my playlist for this story, which you can find in my info on my fanfic profile.

I noticed almost all my chapters, especially the Barney ones, have flashbacks to RoBarn during the years we didn't see onscreen. I started doing this as a way to add a bit of Swarkles fluff within the mess of all the heart-wrenching scenes. Do you guys like the flashbacks ? Should I include more or less? Let me know what you think.

Also, in this story, Lily and Marshall aren't expecting.

* * *

_Saturday 6:22 PM_

Barney opened the door, and Robin walked in, "How are you?" He asked politely, "Fine. "Robin said with a smile on her lips, but her eyes were red from crying and she looked like she hadn't slept in weeks. Barney wanted to grab her and hold her, it hurt him to see the woman he loved so much in pain. But he knew better, so he faked a smile and offered her a drink. "A Scotch would be great." She said with a hint of desperation in her voice.

The two made small talk over drinks while they waited for Marshall and Lily to arrive. Barney hated this, he hated the fake friendship, the pretending that they were happy. The one thing he'd always loved about their relationship was that it was real, it was different from every other relationship he'd ever had. Even with Ted, his best friend, Barney had to fake it sometimes. He and Robin weren't like that, from the moment they got married they were always 100% honest with each other. Prior to their marriage, back when they were just "bros", Barney always felt that he and Robin had a real friendship. She broke down his walls, made him feel safe, he could be vulnerable with her, he could trust her. And it was the same for Robin, he'd made her feel secure enough to be herself, because no matter how much it hurt, she knew Barney would always tell her the truth. The small talk about her next assignment, and his blog were nearly torture.

Barney breathed a sigh of relief when his phone vibrated, finally putting an end to that faux conversation. "Marshall's outside." He told her after reading a text, Robin stood up and grabbed her coat, pulling gloves from the pocket. Barney stared at her strangely, and she noticed, "Something wrong?" she asked, slight irritation in her voice.

Of all the years that Barney knew Robin, he had never seen her wear gloves before. She was always bragging about how being Canadian meant she was immune to the cold. At first he'd thought it was part of her "tough girl" attitude, he figured she was exaggerating. That was until he started living with her.

* * *

_Fall 2014_

Barney walked into the living room, and instantly knew something wasn't right. The door handle was freezing cold against his bare hand, and when he entered the Fortress, he had the urge to put on more layers rather than take them off. He checked the thermostat on the wall, the light lit up blue, and a picture of little snowflakes showed up on the screen, indicating the air conditioning was on. "You've got to be kidding me." He muttered under his breath as he walked towards their bedroom.

"Robin?" He called from the hallway.

"In here."

"What the hell are you doing?"

Robin was sitting on their bed in shorts and a sports bra, her long brown hair was in a messy ponytail. In her right hand was a large silver spoon, while a dripping, half-empty container of Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia sat in her left hand. The wall-television flashed a bright white light against their bedroom wall.

"What?" She asked through a mouthful of ice cream.

Barney walked over to their window and shut it, "Robin, it's so cold in here my suit is growing icicles."

She rolled her eyes and laughed, "Oh come on Barney, it's not even that cold." He looked at her in disbelief, "You're really not cold?" Robin smiled at him, "I grew up in _Canada_. If we were in Alberta right now, I'd have chugged down a pint of Moosehead while—"

At that point Barney zoned out, whenever Robin went all Canadian on him, most of it sounded like gibberish. For all he knew she could've been speaking in French, it wouldn't have surprised him if she was.

"So this is nothing." Robin finished, as she shoveled another spoonful of Cherry Garcia into her mouth.

"Yeah, well we're in _America,_ which means it's cold as balls in here. Can I please turn off the A/C?"

Robin put her spoon in the almost empty ice cream container and patted the spot on the bed next to her. "Come here."

Barney slid off his shoes and suit jacket and climbed into bed beside her. Robin put the ice cream on the bedside table, and pulled him near her.

She sat with her back against the headboard, and stroked his hair lightly as he laid his head in her lap. Barney grabbed a blanket and covered himself, a feeling of contentment filled his body as he closed his eyes. His face was against her bare thigh, and he was shocked by how warm her skin was.

"God you're hot." He whispered against her skin, the sentence took on a whole new meaning as his lips trailed up her leg. Robin pulled him up to eye level, her indigo eyes met his baby blues, and she smirked. "You know, I think I know just how to warm you up." She cooed in a voice as sweet as the Cherry Garcia he could still taste on her lips.

* * *

"Since when do you wear gloves?" Barney asked, once he'd pulled himself back from his memory. Robin looked at the floor, avoiding eye contact, "You wanted me to cover my left hand right?" Barney nodded, he suddenly felt like an ass for asking.

When they got outside, Barney held the car door open for Robin, and then slid into the seat next to her. He kept his left hand in his coat pocket for the majority of the ride, and Lily and Marshall didn't seem to notice.

* * *

"Hey, what about you guys?" Tracy asked as she playfully slapped Barney's leg, "How was Argentina?"

Barney and Robin exchanged a glance, "Great." He answered almost immediately, and Robin nodded, Barney continued.

"It was great. It was great."

"It _was_ great." She added.

"It was great." Barney affirmed.

"It was great. It was _great._" Robin added with a slight chuckle, to keep herself from crying.

But their friends had witnessed their fighting recently and were unconvinced, "One more and I'll believe you." Tracy joked.

The two exchanged a glance and Barney heaved a sigh.

"It was not great."

He explained to the gang that they'd been fighting a lot, the traveling was putting a huge strain on their relationship, one that neither had anticipated. After he finished his story, the other two couples stared at them, they feared what Robin would say next, no one said a word. Finally, Robin announced it, the pain in her voice was evident as she choked out the words.

"We got divorced."

It took a minute of awkward silence for their friends to compose themselves, ultimately Ted spoke up, "I can't believe you guys got divorced without telling us!"

Barney tried to soften the blow, by justifying their choice. "Guys this isn't a failed marriage, it was a very successful marriage, that only happened to last three years."

He knew in his heat that their marriage hadn't been a trainwreck, and they didn't get divorced because they weren't in love, but he knew his friends wouldn't understand. Robin nodded as Barney spoke, and took a sip of her drink.

Marshall looked from Robin to Barney, and asked wearily, "You both want this? For real?"

"We do." Robin answered immediately, and she turned to Barney. He saw the pain in her eyes, and he couldn't tell if she was being honest or not. He looked away and added, "For real."

Lily had been uncharacteristically quiet, "Lily, you okay?" Ted asked, and four heads turned towards her.

"Of course I'm not okay. This ruins _everything._" Lily whined, Robin rubbed her arm reassuringly, and Barney looked down.

He agreed with Lily, but this was what was best for both of them – wasn't it?


	7. Don't Wake Me

A/N : This chapter has a lot more fluff, and is overall much cheerier than previous ones.

I've decided to continue doing the time jumps, based on the comments I received on the previous chapter.

Thank you all so much for your amazing feedback, it motivates me to write more and makes my day :D I hope you enjoy this chapter

* * *

"Mickey agreed to keep Marvin and Daisy for the night." Lily announced as she walked into the living room, "Are you guys sure its alright if we stay the night?"

Tracy smiled, it was more than alright, over the past three years Tracy had gotten really close with the gang. They had all made an effort to make Tracy feel as included in the group as possible, they were practically family.

"We don't mind, plus, you've had at least three glasses of wine. And Beercules over here," she gestured toward Marshall, "is definitely in no shape to drive, you kind of have to stay."

Lily and Tracy turned to look at Marshall, he was laying on the couch, facedown. His large arms hung off the edge of the sofa, there were red marks on his hands from where the duct tape had been. Lily sighed, Marshall was an almost forty year old established lawyer, but when they were with the gang, he experienced some serious re-vertigo, and still acted as though they were in their twenties.

* * *

_Earlier that night_

Marshall and Barney stood in the kitchen as Ted droned on about the marble counters. "Did you know that the word 'marble' is actually derived from—"

Barney pulled an imaginary gun out of his pocket, he pantomimed loading the gun, unclicking the safety and pressing it against his temple. "Hey Ted, how easy do you think it would be to clean my blood off the marble countertops?"

Ted rolled his eyes, annoyed, and Marshall laughed.

"Dude, Barney has a point."

Barney dropped the imaginary gun and outstretched his arms, palms open, before his friends. "I just came up with the most legendary idea!" He shouted excitedly.

Marshall and Ted waited expectantly, they knew that whatever Barney was about to suggest, it would not be something they'd agree to.

"Imagine a drinking game, where—"

"Whoa, whoa, Barney. Come on? Really? A drinking game?" Ted began, and Barney looked at him with confusion and disappointment in his bright blue eyes.

"Barney, I'm a father now, and a homeowner, not some frat guy at a kegger. Don't you think we're getting a little too old for drinking games?"

"Oh Teddy boy, this is why you need me in your life. You pop out one kid and suddenly you're a domesticated house cat. Well the Barnstromer is a cheetah." Barney winked, and clicked his tongue.

"I don't let petty things like age, slow my stride. Marshall's got two kids, but I bet he'd still play a drinking game. Come on," He tapped Marshall's chest with the back of his hand. "back me up on this one Marshall."

Marshall shook his head, "Sorry bro, I've got to agree with Ted on this one. You're turning forty this year, don't you think that's too old to play a drinking game?"

"Challenge Accepted!"

"No Barney, that wasn't me challenging you, I was simply saying that –"

"Uh puh puh. It's too late Marshall. I've accepted the challenge, there is no going back now."

"Barney, that's ridic—"

"You mean to tell me that you wouldn't play a drinking game? Ever again?"

"I'm saying we are too old."

"Ahh, then I guess you're too old to be Beercules."

"Don't listen to him Marshall." Ted warned.

"No, my title remains." Marshall defended, "I have yet to meet someone who can best me in a game of Edward Forty-Hands. So by default I remain with the title of Beercules. Boom. Lawyered."

"I'd bet you ten-thousand dollars, that you can't beat me at Edward Forty-Hands."

"I am not going to bet you money, Barney. I don't have to prove—"

"I'll slap bet you."

"Deal."

"Marshall!" Ted chastised.

Marshall looked at him and begged, "But Ted, its for a slap! He upped the stakes." Ted shot him a disproving stare, "Marshall …" he dragged out the final syllable of his name.

Marshall looked away from Ted's parental gaze, and glanced at Barney's devilish smirk. The corners of Marshall's mouth lifted into a devious grin that matched the blonde man before him.

"BEERCULES!" He shouted, throwing his hands in the air wildly.

"Yes! See this is the kind of energy I'm searching for!" Barney's face lit up.

"Oh, no." Ted muttered.

A disgruntled Ted led Marshall and Barney to his garage, they didn't want their wives to know what they were up to. Ted opened the icebox in the far right corner of his garage, and pulled out four forty ounce bottles of malt liquor.

"I don't approve of this." Ted said as he pulled the duct tape off a shelf above him, and began to strap the bottles onto his two best friends' hands.

"Hey Ted, not that this isn't totally awesome or anything," Marshall paused and winced as the gray tape pulled at his skin. "But, why do you have four forties in your garage?"

"This entire icebox is just for beer." Ted told him matter of factly, and his friends seemed impressed.

"Nice." Marshall said with a goofy grin on his face.

Once Marshall and Barney's hands were duct taped, they waited for Ted to open the bottles.

"Any day now Teddy."

Barney was most certainly not the most patient, especially when it came to Ted. But right now he was beginning to feel that ache in his chest, the kind that had come and gone since he signed the divorce papers. Barney wanted to pop open these bottles and best Marshall at his own game, the feeling of winning a challenge always cheered him up. Not to mention, this would give him permission to slap Marshall as hard as possible, he had been waiting almost a decade for this opportunity.

"Wait." Ted commanded, and Barney groaned in annoyance. Ted walked away from the two and came back with two more forty ouncers and the duct tape. "I'm joining in." He declared , and his buddies cheered. He struggled as he taped them onto his own hands.

The three men stood in a small triangle shape, in the center of Ted's garage, with the bottles taped tightly to their skin.

"Gentlemen," Marshall began, "On three we drink."

"HUZZAH!" Barney and Ted called, and the three of them clinked their hand-bottles together.

"One …" Ted said.

"Two …" Barney followed.

But before Marshall could say three, a female voice echoed from the doorway.

"What the hell are you guys doing?"

The three men snapped their heads up, and stared at the doorway like teenagers who had just been caught smoking pot in their parents' front lawn. Robin's heels clicked against the concrete as she walked toward them, inspecting the scene before her.

"Edward Forty-Hands?" She questioned, the three men looked at their shoes, embarrassed and nervous.

"I can't believe you guys are playing Edward Forty-Hands," Robin paused, and a smile spread across her face, "without _me._"

"HUZZAH!" The three men cheered in unison as Robin walked over to the icebox and pulled out two forty ouncers for herself.

"Long Live Beercules!" Ted chanted.

* * *

Robin had placed second, and was now more than a little drunk, "W-wait, but if Beercules and Lilypad stay here, how am I s'posed to get home?"

"Oh well that's not a problem, Ted and I have two spare bedrooms. So Marshall and Lily can stay in one and you and Bar—" Tracy stopped herself midsentence.

She smiled at Robin apologetically, "I guess one of you can sleep on the couch. It's a pull-out and it's really comfortable."

"Just like me." Barney added with a drunken slur.

Lily shot him a look of disgust, to which he clicked his tongue and winked.

"Ugh. Gross." She turned toward her husband, who had awoken from his drunken stupor and was currently raiding the Mosby's fridge, "Marshall, can you just slap him already?"

Marshall held one finger up and drunkenly proclaimed "Beercules must save slap for right time."

Tracy grabbed Ted by his hand, and pulled him off the couch.

"I think it's Teddy Westside's bedtime." She said with a smile.

"You're such a good wife. You're like the best wife. One day I'm going to tell you my stories. Every last one. And Penny! Penny will get to hear every story. 'Cause that's what Teddy Westside does. He's a story teller. They're going to change my name to Teddy Weststory, or Teddy Bearside, or—"

Tracy laughed as Ted continued to ramble.

"Alright Lady Tedwina, I think someone has had a wee bit too much to drink."

"I'm a not kidding about the stories. Just you wait little lady, you and Penny will listen. I'll call them the Mosby Tales."

Ted stumbled toward their room, and Tracy put his arm around her neck, guiding him to the bed. She tucked him into bed, and then walked back into the living room

"Well I guess I'm going to have two babies to take care of tonight." She said with a smile.

Barney agreed to let Robin have the guest room, and Tracy set up the couch for him. After showing the other three where they'd be sleeping, she brought fresh linens into each of the guest rooms.

"Robin?" Tracy called softly as she knocked on the door, there was no response. She pressed her ear to the door, but the solid oak nearly sound-proofed the room. She knocked once more, and waited, still no response. "I'm coming in." She announced. Tracy figured Robin had passed from her drunken state, what she didn't expect was an empty room.

"Robin?" Tracy called again, concern consuming her voice.

Finally she heard a cough and a quiet cry from the bathroom. Tracy opened the door to see Robin crouched in front of the toilet, there was vomit in her hair and tears streaming down her face. "Oh, honey." She said as she quickly rushed to her side and tied back her hair.

"Edward Forty Hands was much more fun when I was in my twenties." Robin moaned.

Tracy gently rubbed her back, and reached under the sink, she grabbed a small hand towel, then ran it under warm water. Once Robin had emptied her stomach of its contents, Tracy wiped her faced with the moist towel, and brushed the vomit from her hair.

"I'm so s-sor—" Robin began to apologize, but Tracy stopped her, "Shhh. It's okay." "I don't know what's wrong with me!" Robin sobbed, "I cry all the time, I feel sick, I don't want to eat. I feel like such a mess." Tracy looked at her empathetically, "Come here." She said and pulled her into a hug.

Tracy stroked her hair gently, "I know exactly what you're going through." Robin was about to make a snide comment about Tracy having the perfect life, when she remembered. She pulled away and looked at her, "Barney didn't die."

"That may be true, but you lost the love of your life. And even if you both claim you want this, it has got to be rough. You thought you would spend the rest of your days with Barney, and when something like that doesn't work out – whatever the reason may be – it's a huge loss. You're allowed to be a mess for a while."

Robin smiled with tears in her eyes, "Thank you."

Tracy smiled back, "Come on, lets get you to bed."

She nodded, Tracy stood up and offered Robin her hand to help her up. Robin leaned against her small frame, as she lead her to the bed. Tracy helped her slip under the covers, and tucked her in. "Goodnight Robin." She said as she switched off the light and closed the door.

The guest bed was huge, and ridiculously comfortable, and Robin was still feeling the affects of the alcohol, so she assumed sleep would come easily. Unfortunately, like every other night in the past week, Robin tossed and turned, unable to sleep alone in the bed. She watched the moonlight shine through the blinds that covered the large bedroom window, reflecting onto the carpet in front of her.

Two knocks on the door interrupted her thoughts, Robin got up slowly, and the room spun. She steadied herself against the wall and held back vomit. Robin opened the door, and her heart skipped a beat as Barney stood before her.

"I …uh … I can't sl-sleep." He stammered drunkenly, Robin's head was spinning, and she was unsure if Barney was actually in front of her, or if he was a hallucination, one that resulted from extreme sleep deprivation mixing with alcohol. She reached up and placed her hand on his face, "Robin?" he asked confused, "Shut up. I just want to make sure you're real." She said through slurred speech.

Barney chuckled, and took her hand off his face, he took a step closer, and looked into her eyes. Her hand was still in his, and she gulped nervously, as the flutter of a million butterflies in her stomach intensified. "Can I come in?" he asked in a near whisper, their faces so close, she could feel his warm breath against her skin.

Robin shook her head, "No Barney, no. You're drunk, and I'm kind of drunk too. I'm not going to have sex with you." Barney's eyebrows furrowed together in confusion, then he burst into laughter, breaking eye contact. He grabbed onto the door frame to steady himself, as laughter shook his whole body. Robin rolled her eyes, and began to push him out of the room.

"No. Wait, w-w-wait." Barney said as he tried to compose himself. "I'm not trying to sleep with you."

"You're not?"

"Well I am, but I don't want to _sleep_ with you, I want to sleep _with_ you."

"I'm not following."

Barney sighed, his head was pounding, and his vision was doubled, "Robin, I haven't slept normally in over a week." He admitted, "I don't know how to sleep by myself anymore. The bed is just too … " Barney searched for the right word.

"Empty." Robin finished. "I know."

Robin was filled with a sense of relief, and as Barney smiled at her, for a moment she didn't feel like a mess.

That night they laid in bed together, both fully clothed and entangled in each other's bodies. Robin's back was pressed against his chest, and his right arm laid on her ribcage, he held her tightly against him. Barney inhaled deeply, and closed his eyes, her scent was intoxicating. Robin placed her hand over his, and intertwined their fingers. Neither had felt this secure in a long time, their breathing slowed, and their chest rose and fell in time with each others.


	8. Mess I Made

A/N: This chapter was going to be much longer, but I wanted to post this today, and I knew I wouldn't finish it in time, so instead I decided to end it here and turn the rest of it into a separate chapter, expect an update soon. :)

P.S. I have updated the playlist to include this chapter as well, you can find it on my FF homepage or on my tumblr.

* * *

The texture of the blanket against his bare skin was rough, these were not the foreign silk sheets Barney was used to. The wool blanket scratched at his skin, he lifted the thick brown fabric off his chest, and sat up. Barney placed his temples between his middle finger and thumb and gently massaged them, hoping to alleviate some of the pressure filling his skull. It hurt just to open his eyes, so he kept them tightly shut as he tried to remember the events that had transpired the night before.

The last thing he remembered, was going into Ted's garage, about to play a game of Edward Forty Hands. Robin joined the guys, and the second she said go, they all began to drink. After that, everything went black.

Based on the texture of the sheets, and the metal headboard he touched as he stretched out his arms, Barney knew he was not in his own bed. His head throbbed, and it hurt just to open his eyes, the pressure in his skull threatening to push them from their sockets, but he did so reluctantly. Barney looked around the room, rubbed his eyes, and looked around again.

_Where am I?_ He asked himself.

He looked at the room, and recognized the black furniture, the olive green walls, and the stark white carpet. He was still in Ted's house, the guest room to be exact, but Barney had no recollection of how he got there.

The spot on the bed next to him was empty, but it was clear he had not slept alone. The sound of the shower running made his heart race. Barney sat up abruptly, fear coursing through his veins, momentarily pulling him from his hangover fogginess. He peered over the edge of the bed, and saw the outfit Robin had worn the night before lying askew on the carpet.

Barney put his head in his hands "I slept with Robin." He murmured quietly, he wanted to kick himself.

Barney loved Robin but he could tell she was having a difficult time with the divorce, they both were, and the last thing either of them needed was to backslide. This was one time that sleeping with Robin would be a bad thing, getting drunk and falling into bed with his ex wife was not something he wanted to do. He knew it would only make this harder for both of them. Barney was trying to come up with a plan to fix this, when he looked down and noticed something, his shirt was still on.

For all the years Barney and Robin had been together, no matter how drunk they got, if they slept together he never woke up with his shirt on. Barney pulled off the covers and was surprised to see he was still wearing his suit. He was fully clothed, with the exception of his tie and shoes, Barney's outfit was the exact same as the night before. Even his belt was still on, there was no way he and Robin had slept together.

Barney sighed, "Disaster averted."

Something still didn't sit right with him, Barney hadn't slept with Robin, but they'd clearly slept next to each other; and he had finally slept through the night, no nightmares, no sudden waking. His deep slumber was caused by something, but he was unsure if it was the alcohol, Robin or a combination of the two. Despite his hangover, Barney was well rested, he felt like a new person.

Unsure of how the wound up in bed together, Barney decided to ask Robin once she got out of the shower. But first, he had to sneak out of the bedroom before someone saw him and made the same assumption he had.

Barney made his way out of the guest room, and closed the door quietly behind him. The headache he'd woken up with resurfaced as he stepped into the hallway. At the same time, the second guest bedroom's door opened, Barney looked to his right and saw Lily standing in the doorway. Her eyes were wide, and she had her Woo-girl face on.

Barney ran towards her and placed his hand over her mouth as Lily's hands shot up in the air, and a Woo began to escape from her lips. He muffled the sound with his hand, and pulled her into the hall closet with him. Lily tried to push his hand off her, but he was stronger than her.

"Okay, I'll release you, but don't you dare Woo." Barney warned as he removed his hand from her small mouth.

"I knew it! You and Robin aren't really broken up! You guys totally slept together last night."

"No we didn't, Lil."

"Oh, right so I'm supposed to believe that you just left her room with that guilty look on your face because you guys didn't bang?" Lily said smugly.

"Exactly."

Lily looked at Barney, her green eyes met his blue, and she saw he wasn't lying. Her face fell, and her bottom lip quivered.

"So, you two really _did _break up?"

Barney sighed, and nodded. He moved away from her and pressed his head against the wall of the small closet.

"I don't understand, how did this happen?" Lily asked, her voice came out strained, she was holding back tears.

"Lil, it's complicated." Barney turned around to face her, his back pressing against the wall. He slid down the length of the wall and sat in front of Lily, his elbows resting on his knees.

Lily kneeled before him, and placed a hand on his arm. "No it's not. I've known both of you for a long time now, and I have never seen either of you happier than when you were together. You and Robin are just meant to be."

"But she wasn't happy. She offered the out, she wanted me to take it. I was holding her back. Can you imagine what would happen if ten years from now she wasn't where she wanted to be in her career, and it was because of me? I wouldn't be able to live with myself, Robin would resent me, and we would both be miserable."

Barney was avoiding eye contact, he knew if he looked into Lily's large green, doe eyes full of tears and pity, he'd breakdown.

"It just wasn't meant to be, Lily." Barney's voice was full of remorse.

Lily shook her head and wiped a tear from the corner of her eye, "Maybe not right now, but I know that you two are good for each other. What Marshall and I have, what Ted spend a decade looking for, you and Robin have that. It's chemistry, Barney. And you and Robin, you guys have the kind of chemistry that never goes away."

Barney looked up at her, Lily was usually right, and he hoped that this was no exception.


	9. Pompeii

A/N: This is the longest chapter I've ever written, ever. I only had time to revise it once, so I'm sorry if it isn't perfect, I might update it in a couple days and fix any typos. Also there are a lot of time jumps and scene switches, so I hope this isn't too confusing.

Lastly, I am loving your comments, thank you soooo much, the feedback makes my day so keep it coming! :D Enjoy x3

* * *

The steam from the shower created a fog that draped over the entire bathroom, clouding the glass shower doors. Robin closed her eyes and listened to the pitter patter of the boiling stream of water hitting the tiles. She took a step forward and stood under the shower head, immersing herself in the hot water, goosebumps covered her skin and she let out a quiet sigh of contentment.

She ran her fingers through her chocolate brown hair, letting it fall down her back, just past her shoulders. Robin poured out shampoo from the bottle, and the scent of strawberries filled the room. Pink suds filled her hair, sliding down her forehead, the scent of strawberries intensified, and Robin was transported back in time.

* * *

_April 2013_

Robin was beyond exhausted, all she wanted was to take a nice long bubble bath and sleep. She and Barney were planning to spend a six weeks on their honeymoon, so she had begun working overtime to make up for the work she would miss.

Robin walked into the Fortress and immediately plopped down on the couch. She dropped her purse beside her, and kicked off her heels. Robin pulled her foot onto her lap, rubbing her sore sole with her thumb.

"Hey, you're home." Barney walked out of their bedroom, over to where Robin was sitting. He bent down and placed a kiss on her lips.

Their kiss was brief, but full of love, she felt a spark pass from him to her as their lips met. It was as though the kiss gave her life, these small moments were what she lived for. Robin looked forward to this quick exchange of their love when she came home from work. The idea that this was something she could look forward to - his blue eyes so eager and full of hope, his passionate kisses – every day, was overwhelming. For the rest of her life he was all hers, and she was his, it made her heart flutter; happiness ran through her veins, infusing a permanent smile across her face.

Barney placed Robin's purse on the coffee table, and sat beside her on the couch. Barney's hand covered hers, and he took over massaging her sore feet. Robin re-adjusted herself, placing her head on the armrest, and her feet sat in Barney's lap while he rubbed them. Robin closed her eyes, Barney's fingers were magical, they could find the most sensual spots on any part of her body.

"Mhmm." She mumbled happily, and Barney smiled.

"Long day?" He asked.

"Like you wouldn't believe."

Robin's eyes open as Barney abruptly stood up, dropping her feet against the leather couch.

"I'll be right back." He promised.

Barney leaned over and kissed her forehead, she watched as he escaped into their bedroom. All she wanted was to relax, Robin grabbed the remote off the coffee table, and switched on the television.

Captivated by the primetime drama on the screen, Robin barely heard Barney calling her name. The screen faded to black, shortly after, a car commercial began, and Robin diverted her eyes from the television.

Barney stood before her, holding something she couldn't see behind his back. "Get undressed." He demanded.

"Barney," she whined, "I'm so tired, do we have to play this game? Can't we just have a quickie on the couch or something?"

Barney chuckled, he considered taking her up on her offer, but he knew what he planned would be way better.

"Just put this on."

Barney pulled her fuzzy pink striped robe from behind his back, and tossed it onto the couch, landing at Robin's feet. She looked at him perplexed, but he smiled, _Trust me, _he told her with his eyes. Robin sighed, and reluctantly removed her clothing and slid into the robe. While she undressed, Barney had walked back into their bedroom, when he returned he held a black sleeping mask in his hand.

"I'm not putting that on."

"Robin," now he was one whining. Barney used the tone that made him sound like a little kid, who was denied having cake for breakfast. "Just... Okay?"

Robin placed the satin black mask over her eyes, "No funny business." She threatened.

Vulnerability was one the thing Robin hated more than anything else, Barney knew that. But even with the black satin over her eyes, essentially removing the most important of her senses, she felt safe. It was the kind of security that someone like her, someone with deep-rooted trust issues, didn't attain easily. Despite Barney's knack for lies and deception, Robin always felt that she could trust him. She knew that Barney would never lead her into harm's way – at least not intentionally.

He grabbed her hand, and lead her from the living room, Robin's faith in him didn't stop her from counting the number of steps she took. Based on the number she came up with, she assumed they were either in the bathroom or the closet. Her bare feet met the cold tiles, which she recognized as the bathroom floor.

Robin relied on her other four sense to gauge what Barney was planning. She sniffed, the air was filled with a sweet aroma. With Barney guiding her, she took a couple more steps into the room. His hand slipped away from hers, and the sound of buttons clicking was followed by an instrumental song beginning to play.

Robin was about to ask why this song sounded so familiar, when Barney's hands gently came down on her shoulders. He rubbed her tense muscles tenderly, and kissed her neck. She felt his lips find that one sweet spot on her neck, sending chills down her spine, and Robin began to relax. He moved his hand down her arms, and across her stomach, untying her robe in one swift motion. She opened her mouth to protest, but stopped as Barney removed her robe and blindfold; Robin blinked twice, not believing the sight before her.

Magenta colored candles lined the sink counter, emitting a calming perfume. Pink bubbles filled the large tub, steam coming off the hot water. Robin looked up at Barney, astonished, "You did all this." She said in a soft tone.

Barney shrugged as if it were no big deal, but his eyes gave away the truth, he was relieved she liked it.

"You've been working crazy hard, and I see how stressed out this wedding and work have been making you. I figured you could use a bit of relaxation."

Robin kissed him, the kiss was her way of saying "I love you." Three words she'd always had trouble with, but with Barney, she wanted to shout them from the rooftops. Proclaim her love for him for all the world to know. He loved her more than she knew was possible, and she loved him too.

Barney held her hand, as she stepped into the tub. The boiling water from the jets buzzed against her lower back, turning her muscles into putty. He watched her sink into the pink bubbles, her expression was almost euphoric. "I'll be right back." Barney promised, he kissed the top of her head before slipping out of the bathroom.

Robin sunk deeper into the tub, the strawberry scented bubbles covered her body. Sliding lower, and lower, until she was neck deep in the water. The strawberry aroma from the bubbles filled the air, the steam from the water carrying it up, and engulfing her. Barney had been right, this was the perfect stress reliever. Robin closed her eyes and listened as the instrumental music played on a loop in the background, and she found herself humming to the familiar tune.

The door opened, and Barney walked back into the room, two champagne glasses in his hands. Each glass held a strawberry, gingerly suspended within the bubbly drink. Barney placed a towel on the edge of the tub, and sat down, he handed her one of the glasses. Robin sat a little higher in the tub, her arm covered in bubbles, reached to grab the glass. She held it above the water, "You're going to make a damn good husband." Robin said with a smile, and Barney beamed at her.

"Only because you'll be my wife."

She raised her glass closer to his, "To being the most awesome married couple ever."

"Awesome? Try legendary."

They clinked their glasses together and then each took a sip of champagne.

Robin looked around the bathroom, everything he'd done for her, it was more then she could've ever asked for. When she said yes to him on that roof, she didn't expect this. Robin knew Barney would love her unconditionally, but the romantic stuff, she would have never believed he was capable of it, or that she would enjoy it. Yet, here they were, five weeks before their wedding, and Barney had gone all out, just to make her feel less stressed. Robin feared her heart would burst from her chest as it swelled with love. She asked herself how she'd gotten so lucky.

"This is _almost_ perfect." Robin told him as she removed the strawberry from the glass and placed it on her tongue.

"Almost?" Barney asked, a little disappointed. He hadn't put much work into this, it was spontaneous, an idea that came to him when he saw how tired she looked today. But Barney had hoped it was more that "almost perfect."

"Something's missing."

Barney scanned the room, he created a mental checklist in his mind.

_Candles? Check._

_Champagne? Check._

_Music? Check._

_Hot bubble bath? Check._

What had he forgotten?

Robin saw a look of panic wash over Barney's face, and she chuckled.

"You."

Barney's eyes met hers, confusion replacing the panic in them. "What do you mean?"

"Well everything is perfect, except this bath, its missing something. I think it's too big for one person, don't you agree?" Robin asked coyly.

A smirk spread across his lips, "I think I can help you with that."

He stood up and undressed, then joined Robin in the bubbly pink bath. The water rose quickly with the added weight, threatening to spill onto the floor, but neither paid any mind.

Robin and Barney were leaning against the top of the tub, propped up on their elbows, their bodies pressed to one another. Their foreheads touched, and they gazed into each other's eyes, blue melting into blue.

"I love you."

The words fell out of Robin's mouth, it was a moment so enraptured in their love, she had said it reflexively. Never had those three words left her lips with such ease, she didn't even realize what she was saying. With Barney, the words that had always been difficult for her to say seemed to just flow easily. When he'd asked her to marry him, she didn't hesitate, she didn't second guess, instinct took over, and Robin heard herself saying yes. From that day on, every time she'd said "I love you" to him, it felt like saying yes on that roof all over again.

"I love you too." He whispered against her lips.

* * *

Robin opened her eyes, she was standing under the hot shower in the Mosby's guest room. There was no music playing, no bubbles, no champagne, no Barney, just the sickeningly sweet strawberry scent from the shampoo in her hair. It served as a painful reminder of the life she no longer had. Robin rinsed the shampoo from her hair, and felt her stomach churn.

She finished her shower as quickly as possible, her stomach cramped, and nausea took over. Robin jumped out of the shower, and brought her mouth to the rim of the toilet, she'd barely made it in time. Bile climbed up her throat, the acidic taste filling her mouth, Robin closed her eyes, giving into her body as her muscles contracted, emptying her stomach.

Her hands trembled against the bowl, her freshly washed hair stuck to her neck and face, the strawberry scent only contributed to her nausea. Tears ran down her face, the force from her body expelling whatever was left in it, had made her eyes water.

Her stomach had finally settled, and Robin peeled herself off the porcelain bowl. Her head throbbed, she felt so dizzy, her limbs were weak. Between the dehydration, her hangover, and the pain of her memories, Robin felt worse than she had in a long time. Her body shook, and she pulled herself off the floor, holding onto the sink to keep from falling.

The woman in the mirror looked sickly, her skin was pale, her cheek bones were more prominent then usual, and despite waking up feeling more rested than she had in a long time, her eyes were sunken in. The black circles under them were frightening. Robin looked at the woman in the mirror and saw a corpse, she stared, terrifed. This woman couldn't be her reflection, this woman looked like she hadn't eaten in a week, her wet hair lacked its usual shine, and leftover make up from the night before was streaked across her eyes.

She missed the person she was, Robin wanted to move on, she wanted to continue with her life, but she was stuck. She still had a little over a week left in her mandatory vacation from work, so she couldn't even distract herself with that. Robin laughed to herself, she and Barney couldn't find a good balance between her career and their love life. Now here she was, divorced, no work to do, and no husband to love, the irony was soul crushing.

_Barney._ His named echoed painfully through her mind, he was another cause of distress for her, another reason why she couldn't get past the divorce. Barney was everywhere. The two of them shared a storage locker, they shared a group of friends, so much of their lives were embedded in one another, there was no escaping him.

Robin loved Barney, she had seen how unhappy he was, but she knew he would never leave her. Barney had abandonment issues, and so did she, Robin knew he would never subject her to feeling as though he walked out on her. When she offered him the out in Argentina, it was had been after one of their worst fights yet. Some part of Robin knew that they just needed time to cool off, she should've just given him his space, but she couldn't.

Her fears of commitment had bubbled up and resurfaced, which lead to her giving Barney an out. She suggested it out of fear, she expected Barney to tell her she was crazy for thinking that, she needed him to tell her that.

The look of pain on his face when she asked, "Is this just not working anymore?" broke her heart. But once the words were out there, there was no taking them back. Tears welled up in her eyes when he sat her down and said "I love you Robin."

_This is it_, _he is going to knock some sense into me._ She had thought.

Robin imagined that Barney was going to tell her that they were messy, and had their problems, but their awesomeness made up for it. He'd remind her that he loved her too much to ever live without her, he'd say that this was just the stress from the assignment talking. Then Barney would run her bath with strawberry bubbles, and before long, they'd be naked in bed together, laughing at the ridiculous possibility of them ever not being together. Because they were BNasty and RTrain, they were the most legendary couple on the planet, and nothing, not even some lame fight, could stop them.

But he didn't say any of that. There were no bubbles. No laughter. No naked cuddling. No cute nicknames. No legendary.

His blue eyes were cold and empty as he looked at her, "This just isn't working anymore."

The words hit her like a ton of bricks, the sound of glass shattering filled her ears, realization flooded her. She wanted to scream in his face, she wanted to slap him, and tell him he was being delusional if he thought that she really wanted this. Instead she froze, shocked by his answer. Robin knew Barney was never big on commitment, she knew he always wanted to take the out when it came to other women. Never in a million years would she have guessed that he would take an out had she offered it, it was out of character. Barney could always call her bluff, and in this moment he didn't, Robin began to wonder if the doubts she labeled as ridiculous been right all along. Was she really nothing more that just another notch on Barney's belt?

She was nothing more than another number to him.

Robin wanted to curl up in a ball and die, she felt like she'd just been hit by an eighteen wheeler. The wind was knocked out of her. _TELL HIM YOU WERE KIDDING!_ The voice in her head screamed at her. _BEG HIM NOT TO GO! YOU DON'T WANT THIS! NEITHER OF YOU DO!_

Robin couldn't bring herself to listen to the voice in her head, that little voice was the reason she'd gotten into this situation in the first place. That small voice told her Barney was a good guy, the voice told her she could trust and love him, the voice told her he loved her back. That voice encouraged her vulnerability, and in that instant, she felt stripped of her dignity, her security. Everything she'd believed came crumbling down. Barney did want to leave, her biggest fear was confirmed, he was waiting for the right time. Robin offered him the out, she gave him a one way ticket to Splitsville, and he took it.

She gripped onto the bathroom sink, supporting the weight of her body with her hands, her knuckles were turning white from the effort. Robin closed her eyes and tried to slow her breathing, she didn't want to have a panic attack. As her heartbeat slowed, Robin thought about the previous night.

Robin had had _a lot_ to drink, and her tolerance was not nearly as high as it used to be, she learned this the hard way last night. Thankfully, Tracy had cleaned her up, and tucked her into bed. After falling into a drunken sleep, Robin had the strangest dream, that Barney had come into the room, unable to sleep, asking to lie with her, and it felt so real. She could smell Barney's cologne, and feel his warm breath on her neck, his heart beat in tune with hers. Robin knew the next morning, when she woke up in an empty bed, she'd pay for this vivid dream. The panic attack that would follow waking up by herself, would shake her whole body, it would make getting out of bed miserable and impossible. She anticipated the hangover, and knew she would reek of the alcohol that would seep from her pores.

When she awoke, she'd come to the conclusion that she hadn't been dreaming. Robin woke up lying on her back, Barney's arm draped across her stomach and head resting on her shoulder. He snored lightly, the way he always did when he'd had too much to drink the night before. His blonde hair brushed her cheek as she looked down at him. She had gently slid out of the bed, careful not to wake him, but thankful that they'd both woken up fully clothed. Robin stripped off her clothing, and had rushed to the bathroom, leaving her clothes in a messy pile on the white carpet.

A light knock on the door brought Robin from her thoughts, she chastised herself for zoning out.

"Robin, I brought you some clean clothes." Tracy said from the other side of the door. Robin grabbed the nearest towel and wrapped it around her naked body, she plastered a fake smile on her lips and opened the door.

"Barney said you were showering, so I thought I'd bring you something to wear. I know you're taller than me, I'm not quite sure how well some of this stuff will fit, but you're skinny and—"

Robin grabbed the clothing from her hands, "I think it will be fine, thanks Trace."

Robin was about to close the door, when Tracy put her hand out, holding it open. "One last thing."

Robin smiled to hide her annoyance, "Hmm?"

"How are you feeling? Last night you seemed really upset, and I know you're not big on talking about stuff, but Robin I want you to know I'm here." Tracy placed her hand on Robin's bare shoulder, "I'm here for you, and if you ever want to talk, I'm willing to listen."

Robin's expression softened, she felt bad for getting annoyed with her, she knew Tracy was just trying to help. Robin could feel Tracy's large brown eyes penetrating her soul, making her believe that she truly meant what she said. "Thanks Trace."

The black leggings were about three inches too short, Robin rolled them up to her knees, but the white t-shirt Tracy had leant her, fit perfectly. Robin walked into the dining room, and saw the rest of the gang eating breakfast and reflecting on the previous night.

Marshall had his head against the table, and his hands tightly wrapped around a glass of water. Lily sat next to him, gently stroking his back with one hand, while the other held a fork that was feeding her bites of pancake. Tracy sat at one end of the table, bouncing baby Penny on her lap. She cooed at baby, who chewed happily on a plastic spoon. On the other end of the table was Ted, cradling a red bottle of Gatorade to his chest. Ted's skin was vaguely green with nausea, he looked almost as miserable as Marshall. Across from Marshall sat Barney, he had a bottle of aspirin in front of him, but he looked about ten times better than the other two. Robin wondered what could've possibly put him in such a good mood, the annoying voice in her head suggested that it was the sleeping arrangement.

"Hey, look who finally decided to show up!" Lily greeted loudly.

"Shhh!" Ted and Marshall said in unison.

Barney gave her a half-smile, neither of them said anything, but his eyes were full of questions, questions she was scared to know, questions she wasn't sure she had the answer to.

After breakfast, Lily agreed to drive Robin and Barney home, "Let me just called Mickey, first." She said, and the two agreed.

Ted went into his room to sleep off some of his hangover, and Tracy went to change Penny's diaper. Marshall was asleep on the couch, leaving Barney and Robin alone in the kitchen. Robin was washing the breakfast dishes as Barney cleaned the table, this scene was too familiar to her. Her mind attempted to bring back painful memories, but she quickly suppressed them.

"Hey, um I think we should talk." Barney said as he handed her the last dish.

"Talk about what?"

It was like déjà vu for Barney, the look of mock innocence in her wide blue eyes. He felt like he'd been transported back in time about ten years, to when they'd first slept together. Was she really going to pretend that last night didn't happen?

He gave her a look, and she sighed, Robin knew she couldn't pretend they hadn't spent the night in each other's arms, it was too good of a memory for her to pretend it hadn't happened.

"Did last night mean anything?" He asked, echoing the same thought that had been running through her head all morning.

"Should it? We are still divorced Barney, this doesn't change that." Her voice was firm, but her heart broke as she said each word.

"You're right." He nodded and began to walk away, Robin breathed a sigh of relief as they broke eye contact. Barney was standing at the doorway when he turned around, her back was too him, as he said, "That was the best night of sleep I've gotten in a long time. I just thought you should know."

Barney turned and walked out of the room, and he could've sworn he heard her say, "Me too."


	10. Tears of a Clown

A/N: This chapter would've been a lot longer, but I have severe writer's block. I originally wrote three different versions of this chapter, this one was my favorite, even though it was the shortest. I hope you guys enjoy it anyway, and I am hoping to update soon, because I have a lot of really great ideas for this story. Lately, I've just been having trouble finding the correct words to make these ideas into actual chapters. Bear with me, I promise it will be worth the wait.

****Remember, this is a PRO SWARKLES fic, even if it doesn't seem like it at the moment. **

* * *

_10/31/2016_

Barney stared at his Halloween costume and groaned, he couldn't possibly dress up without Robin, it wouldn't feel right. It hurt him just to think of her name, she reappeared in his mind, and the memory of them lying next to each other burned bright, it was too recent. He could still feel the softness of her hair, the smoothness of her skin, and her intoxicating scent. At night, when he was alone in his bed, Barney could still feel her body against his, she fit so perfectly in his arms.

Barney stared sadly at his reflection in the mirror, he didn't want to go to the Halloween party on the roof of Marshall and Lily's apartment, the idea of a party made him sad.

_Who are you? _

Barney's once awesome persona was fading fast, he no longer recognized himself. The man standing in the mirror was unshaven, he wore sweatpants and a dirty t-shirt. His hair was a mess, and his eyes were sunken in, the pupils swallowing his pale blue irises. Barney was disgusted by his reflection, he hadn't been to the gym in over two weeks, to anyone else his body was unchanged, but he felt out of shape.

_What happened to you man? You used to be awesome. _

**I don't know how to be awesome without her.**

_You were just fine before Robin, you will be fine now. Get your act together, you're making us look bad._

**Don't you get it? I wasn't "fine" before Robin, the suits, the plays, those were all masks. I used them to cover up how broken I was. How can I go back to that?**

_How do you feel right now?_

Barney looked up at his reflection, he felt awful, he felt empty, and lonely. He felt exactly as he had before he had ever met Robin.

**Broken.**

_I think it's time to put the mask back on._

**But it's too soon.**

_Tonight you will be at a Halloween party with plenty of sexy women in scandalous clothing, this is your perfect opportunity. _

Barney sighed, the former version of himself was right, maybe it was time.

**Fine, but I'm not wearing the costume.**

_You have to wear a costume._

**I will.**

_You don't have another costume._

**No, but I will be wearing a mask.**

_Ah, I see what you did there. Mental Self-Five!_

* * *

Barney ran the water for the shower, and pressed play on his iHome, the first song on his "Get Psyched" playlist began, with Bon Jovi singing in the background, Barney cleaned himself up. He slipped into his familiar costume, one that he'd worn for years, one he never thought he'd need again.

Forty minutes later, he stared into the full length mirror on the back of his bedroom door. The mask had hardened onto his face, concealing and preventing him from feeling, like an extra layer of skin. A barrier he used to protect his fragile self from the cruel reality, which was that he was divorced. In that moment, Barney decided, if he couldn't make things work with Robin, then he wouldn't be able to make them work with any woman, she was the only woman he could ever truly love.

Barney looked completely different from the shell of a man who had stood in that same spot earlier, he was clean shaven, his suit was pressed, and fit perfectly, his hair was slightly flipped in the front. He stood tall as he straightened his tie, peering at his reflection, a devious smirk spread across his face.

He stared into the mirror, directly at his ice blue eyes, watching as they filled with the familiar combination of lust and self-hatred, Barney felt nothing. No pain, no sadness, no happiness; nothing.

"Daddy's home."


	11. Fix You

A/N: I am editing this and its like 1am, so there may be some typos. I'll try to correct them in the morning. Enjoy and leave your feedback :)

* * *

Robin splashed cold water on her face, and rinsed out her mouth in the sink. This wasn't the first time that one of her panic attacks had escalated to the point of nausea, but she prayed it'd be the last.

It was Halloween, and she was supposed to attend WWN's annual costume party - problem was she still hadn't found her costume. The past three years, Robin and Barney had wowed her coworkers with their lavish and expensive matching costumes; but this year would be different. Even if she did have her costume, she felt wrong wearing it without Barney, it wouldn't be nearly as awesome. Going to this party stag, also meant that she'd have to explain the painful truth to her peers, she was divorced.

The idea of admitting her own failure, made the bile rise in her throat. Robin rushed to the toilet, and heaved, giving into her stomach cramps, allowing the painful waves of nausea to take over.

As her stomach finally settled, Robin lifted her shaking hands off the bowl, and laid her body on the cool tile floor. She couldn't bear this pain anymore. Her panic attacks had only gotten worse since the night spent at the Mosby household. Sleeping alone in that large bed had been difficult enough, but now, the absence of his arm across her torso made her feel emptier than ever before. She felt hollow, as if someone had scooped out all the things that made her Robin, and left behind this empty corpse.

Robin promised herself she'd try, and she had been trying, at first. The days following the sleepover, Robin was extremely productive. She unpacked almost all of the boxes that littered her new apartment, and began research for her next assignment – despite being off duty. After two days of high functioning, Robin cracked.

* * *

_Tuesday, 10/25/2016, 9:23 am_

Robin covered her face with the thick, pale blue duvet, and groaned in agony, waking up felt impossible. Her body was awake, but her mind, not so much. She had dreamt of him again, and she hated herself for it.

Recently, Barney was a recurring character in her dreams, and when she awoke, Robin could still feel his soft blonde hair in her hands, his mouth hungrily and desperately clinging to hers. The warmth of his body was so real, it was hard to believe she was dreaming. The way he moaned out her name was clearer than ever, she could still see him gritting his teeth as waves of pleasure rocked through his body.

Robin missed being intimate with him, she missed the times when her lack of sleep stemmed from a night of wild sex. Nowadays, she woke up with her heart racing, a layer of sweat glistening across her skin, and craving Barney's touch. The hole in her heart wasn't the only thing she needed him to fill, Robin's body ached for him.

She rolled over in bed, and pulled the pillow over her head, suffocating her face into the mattress. Robin wasn't used to all this pent up sexual energy, and over the course of the week, it didn't improve. She attempted to release some of it at the gun range, but Robin still ended her nights with a bottle of whiskey glued to her hand. She wanted this to end, she wanted to feel like herself again.

* * *

There were only two days left until her mandatory vacation was finally over. Robin hoped that once she could throw herself back into her job, she would return to normal. Until then, she decided to fake it, so she made up some lame excuse for not attending the office party, and headed off to Marshall and Lily's place.

"Robin! You made it!" Marshall cheered.

She climbed onto the roof, and walked over to hug Marshall, who wore a very hairy costume, with a blue outfit over it. It wasn't until Lily approached her, her hair in an updo, and a golden dress hanging off her shoulders, that Robin understood their costumes.

"Let me guess, Beauty and the Beast?"

"It was Marvin and Daisy's idea, Disney has become their new obsession." Lily defended.

Robin smiled, "Well you guys look great."

"Thanks. Hey, Robin where's your costume?" Marshall asked, the disappointment in his voice was clear.

"Oh, I uh, I couldn't find it."

Though her response was honest, she knew that Lily sensed there was more to it, but neither wanted to say anything in front of Marshall.

"Baby, can you get me another drink? I'm all out."

Lily handed Marshall an empty red Solo cup, and he nodded.

"Sure thing, Lilypad."

Once Marshall was gone, Lily grabbed Robin by the arm, and pulled her over to the corner of the roof, away from the party.

"Where's the poop, Robin?"

"What poop? There's no poop."

"Robin, you reek of poop, just tell me where it is."

"First off, that's offensive, I showered today and –"

"_Robin_." Lily put extra emphasis on the second syllable of her name, the seriousness of her tone was intimidating, causing Robin to give in. She sighed, there was no use hiding anything from Lily.

"I can't do this, okay? I am miserable, Lily. I lost my best friend, I gave him an out, and he took it."

Robin was crying now, her bottom lip quivering as she spoke. Using her fingers, she gently wiped under her eyes, careful not to smudge her make up. Lily's hand rubbed small circles on her back, while the other one rested on her knee.

" He willingly left our relationship, and now I'm afraid that I drove him away. I drive everyone away."

"Sweetie, you know that's not true."

"Do I though? I mean look at me Lily, I'm such a mess."

"You're not a mess."

"I am, and do you want to know why? Because I am in love with my ex-husband and -" Robin buried her face in her hands. She couldn't do this now, talking about Barney would only cause her to panic again.

"Oh, honey. I'm so sorry. Have you tried talking to him?" Sympathy flooded Lily's large green eyes.

Robin looked up at her, and scoffed, "Yeah, okay."

"I'm serious, Robin."

"What am I going to do, just waltz up to him and say, 'Barney, I know we just got divorced, but I love you more than I love anyone or anything. I can't imagine my life without you, and I regret ever giving you the out. Wanna get back together?'"

"Is that how you really feel?"

"No. Yes. I don't know. I feel empty, and horny."

"So tell him that." Lily encouraged, "But maybe leave out the horny part."

"No, it's stupid."

Lily grabbed Robin by her arm again, and pulled her up.

"Ow, ow, ow, OW! Lil, you're pinching me." She whined.

Lily dragged Robin across the rooftop, to where Marshall and Barney stood. Marshall held two red cups in his hands, and Barney was nursing a beer. To Robin's surprise, he wasn't wearing a costume either.

"Hey, Barney! When'd you get here?" Lily asked excitedly.

"Like five minutes ago." Marshall answered for him, and handed Lily cup.

Barney had tuned out Lily and Marshall's conversation that followed, he was looking at Robin. His eyes bore into hers, and she saw a brief flicker of something that she couldn't quite pinpoint, in them. Barney blinked, and the blue in his eyes froze over again, filling his irises with the kind of emotionless, self-loathing, that she hadn't seen in years.

Lily watched as the two exchanged a glance, she needed to get them speaking to each other.

"Isn't this a great party? Don't you just want to dance?"

Lily exaggerated her enthusiasm, flailing her arms, and "accidently" slapping the beer out of Barney's hand. Unfortunately for Robin, she was in the splash zone, and her once cream blouse was now stained from the dark lager.

"Lily!" Robin chastised.

"Oops. Sorry, you know how clumsy I can be." she laughed half-heartedly, then added, "Robin, you're going to have to go in and wash up."

Robin squinted her eyes at Lily, she knew that was no accident.

"I'm on to you, Aldrin." She whispered as she walked past Lily, who chuckled in response.

Robin stood in Marshall and Lily's kitchen, sponge in hand, she angrily scrubbed at the red-brown stain, muttering curse words under her breath.

"Everything, alright?"

The familiarity of the voice made her whole body tense, she froze, her mouth went dry and Robin couldn't form words. She didn't want to look at him, she couldn't, instead she just nodded.

"I had to get another beer."

Barney explained, as he opened the fridge. He pulled out a dark brown bottle, and walked over to where Robin was hovering by the sink. He stood so close, their shoulders touched, Robin felt her heartbeat quicken.

"Hey, uh, Robin?"

Robin gulped, she was fearful of what he was about to say. _Oh no, here it comes, he's going to talk about the sleepover, or the divorce, or worse,he'll tell me he has moved on. I bet he going to go hit on that blonde chick I saw in the sexy Princess Leia costume. He's going to move on before me, Barney is already over our divorce, how is he already over it? He can probably see the panic in my face. Pull yourself together Scherbatsky!_ The irrational voice in her head continued to babble incessantly, sending anxiety through her veins.

"Can you pass me the bottle opener?"

Robin turned to face him, Barney pointed to the small metal object on the left of her.

"Oh, um, yeah, uh, sure." She fumbled her speech, and clumsily handed Barney the bottle opener.

Robin cursed herself silently along with the voice in her head that had caused her to panic.

"Are you sure you're alright?" Barney asked, his voice was concerned but his eyes were still dead.

"Yup, never been better."

The smile on her face was fake, they both knew it, but neither mentioned it. Robin looked away from him, and went back to scrubbing her shirt with the sponge.

Barney placed his beer on the counter, and put on hand on top of Robin's, removing the sponge from her hand.

"Do you mind?"

Robin stared up at him, and nodded. She watched as he delicately glided the sponge against the fabric, slowly, but successfully removing the stain.

"Uhh .. thanks." Robin replied awkwardly.

Barney placed the sponge on the counter, but his hand lingered on the bottom of her blouse, playing with the bottom button.

"So, wanna tell me why you're not wearing your totally badass costume?"

"I couldn't find it."

She gave him the same lame excuse, she'd given Marshall and Lily, but Barney didn't buy it.

"What's the real reason?"

Robin thought back to the day she went searching for her costume, finding her wedding dress had almost killed her. The pain from the memory along with the realization that she had destroyed her gown, made her grasp onto the countertop for dear life. Robin wanted to divert the conversation away from herself, she quickly put the focus onto him.

"What about you? I don't see you in a costume."

Barney didn't respond, he dropped his hand from her shirt, and placed it in his pocket.

"Don't tell me you lost it too." She laughed.

Barney shook his head, then looked up at her.

"I couldn't wear it."

"Why not?"

"Come on Robin, how was I supposed to dress as Batman without you."

The sincerity in his voice through her off guard, "What do you mean?"

"How lame would I be without the other half of the duet, what's Batman without Robin?" He asked rhetorically.

"A kickass superhero." She said, hoping to get a smile out of him.

Barney considered what she said for a moment, then responded,

"Well, okay, yeah. Batman is this awesome, crime stopping hero, but I bet, it's not nearly as much fun without Robin by his side. Robin was more than just his sidekick, he was his best bro. We've all seen how well they work together, but what about the stuff they do when they're not protecting citizens? Who is Batman going to play laser tag with now? Or go to the movies with, or ask to grab some sushi from that one place under the train that they both love so much?"

As Robin listened to Barney, she had a sinking feeling that he was no longer talking about the comic book characters.

"Robin was the backbone of the two, sure Batman is the big hero, and gets all the credit, but do you think any of that would've been possible without Robin? _Hell no_. Robin kept him grounded, he reminded Batman what an awesome guy he was when he was feeling down – which, may come as a surprise to you, but yes, even Batman gets blue sometimes. Robin is the most underappreciated character in the series, she - er, _he_ is the most legendary sidekick out there. Batman is the lucky one in this situation. It would be a disservice to Robin's everywhere if I, Barney Stinson, dressed as Batman, without my Robin?"

She couldn't help but crack a smile at his little speech, but the last comment was what really caught her attention, "_Your_ Robin?"

Barney smirked in response, his ice blue irises began to melt, and lust, pushed through the hardened mask of self-hate. Robin's most recent fantasy of him raced through her mind, sending a surge of pink color to her cheeks.

Barney placed his hands on the counter top on either side of her, hovering in front of Robin. The air was thick with sexual tension. Robin pushed her hips slightly forward, pressing them against the bulging zipper of his pants. The warm blush from her cheeks faded, as the blood rushed down the lower half of her body.

Robin wrapped her hand around his tie, and pulled Barney close. Their lips, only centimeters apart.

"You will always be _my _Robin."

"Prove it."

Their eyes locked, and Robin's lips parted, her tongue inviting his, as they kissed. Barney kissed Robin with the kind of desperate passion that she so badly needed. She kissed back, furiously. All of the angst and loneliness, the pain and heartbreak from the divorce, all of it was poured into these kisses. She yanked at his belt buckle aggressively, and her lifted her onto the countertop, hiking up her skirt in the process.

Robin heard the lace of her underwear rip as Barney pulled them off, but she ignored it, refusing to break their kiss. The pent up sexual frustration, combined with the anger she had towards Barney for ever taking the out, were released with each thrust. Robin wrapped her legs around his waist, holding their bodies together. He drove his cock deeper and deeper inside her, reentering her with greater force each time. The roughness of their sex nearly sent them falling off the counter. Robin took her hands away from his neck, and gripped onto the edge of the countertop.

Barney felt Robin contract around him, he watched as she opened her mouth, ready to scream. Barney grabbed an ovenmitt from the stove top, and placed it in Robin's mouth, effectively muffling her voice as she reached climax.

.

Robin rested her head on his shoulder, panting as she tried to catch her breath, her whole body was shaking. Barney lifted her head from him gently, and looked into her eyes. He watched as the realization of what they'd just done slowly set in, and the hungry lust in her eyes was quickly replaced with horror.

Barney pulled out, and took a step back, quickly fixing his suit. Robin kept her head down, and she hopped off the counter. She pulled her skirt down, and didn't say a word. He placed his hand on her arm, pulling her back as she walked toward the door.

"Robin, wait."

She brushed his hand off her arm, "No, Barney, I can't right now. I just need to go."

Fighting tears, Robin walked out of the apartment, and didn't look back.


	12. Count on Me

A/N: I promised I'd upload this today, so here it goes. Sorry for any typos, I just finished it (its like 1:30 AM here) and I revised it only once. I've been working on this chapter for a really long time, in this chapter a lot happens, and Marshall, Lily, Ted and Tracy play much larger roles than they did in the previous ones. Ultimately, that made it harder to write, because I kept feeling like someone was out of character. Anyway, I tried, so tell me what you think, and enjoy :)

* * *

Barney stared blankly at the counter in front of him. One minute he was seven inches deep in Robin, and the next, she was gone. He didn't want to think about what this meant – if it meant anything. The image of her blue eyes staring into his, horror-struck by their quickie on the counter was burned into his brain, infesting his thoughts.

Barney grabbed his beer from the side of the sink, finishing it quickly. If he was going to get through the rest of this night, he would need alcohol, and a lot of it.

Barney climbed out the window, and up the fire escape, to the roof of the building. He headed straight for the drink table, and took five consecutive shots. Almost instantly, he felt the effects of the strong liquor. His throat burned, a warm tingling sensation spread through his body, and his head felt slightly heavier than usual.

"There you are!" Lily called out, as she bumped into Barney at the drink table.

Marshall placed a hand on his shoulder, "Where've you been all night, Buddy?"

"You know," Barney hiccupped, then continued "…uh, a-a-around."

Ted and Tracy joined them, and immediately noticed Barney's eyes were glazed over. His posture was sloppy, and he swayed slightly.

"Who got Barney drunk?" Ted asked.

Ted, Tracy and Marshall turned to look at Lily, who was too quiet.

Tracy looked wearily at Lily, "Oh, no. What'd you do?"

"I didn't do anything."

"Lily, you meddled again!" Ted accused.

Her voice rose an octave as she spoke, "Whaaaat? Me?" Lily laughed nervously, "I was here with Marshall the whole night."

Ted and Tracy looked at Marshall, who confirmed that Lily was telling the truth.

"Although," Marshall raised one finger to his chin, tapping it lightly as he recalled the events of the night.

"She did spill Barney's beer all over Robin."

"That was an accident!"

"Yeah, but what about the part after?"

* * *

_Earlier that night_

Lily watched as Robin climbed down the fire escape, to wash the beer off her. Once the coast was clear, she followed Barney.

Barney walked over to the table near the edge of the rooftop, she watched as he reached for the case of beer.

Lily rushed towards him, pulling Barney in the other direction, facing him away from the table.

"Great party, huh?"

Barney shrugged, he was looking past her, "Eh, about a six."

"This party?"

"Nah, this party is lame. I was talking about that blonde chick in the slutty Princess Leia costume." Barney licked his lips, and narrowed his eyes, like a predator, hunting his prey.

Lily made a sound of disgust, and Barney turned to face her.

"Really, Barney? Already? You and Robin just broke up, and you're looking at other women. You're unbelievable."

"Thank you."

That wasn't a compliment. Don't you need time to mourn or heal?"

"This_ is_ me healing. Besides, she's a six - come on - if that's not proof that I'm mourning I don't know what is. Its not like I'm going to pick up a two, just because I'm divorced. After all, I'm still The Barnacle."

Barney gestured towards himself, then turned back to stare at the blonde.

Lily shook her head, "Barney, what about last week, what about everything you said at Ted and Tracy's place?"

"Lil, I can't be that guy anymore. Okay? I love Robin more than anything, but she wanted the divorce. She offered it. So just drop it."

Barney hesitated for a moment, and then spoke again.

"It's not like Robin is mourning, so why should I? We're better off."

Lily wanted to knock some sense into him, she searched his face for a hint of remorse, but found nothing. Barney's flat affect broke her heart, this wasn't the same mature Barney she'd had a conversation with in the Mosby's hall closet. The Barney before her was a smooth-talking, cold-hearted, sociopath; she hadn't seen him in years, and most certainly did not miss him.

"She's not mourning, right?" Barney quickly added, and Lily thought she saw a twinkle of something in his eyes, before they hardened again; shutting her out.

Lily raised her eyebrows at stared at Barney, her expression made him realize how oblivious he'd been.

"Oh god," Barney's mask was slowly melting away, "How bad is it?"

His stomach flip-flopped, he feared he'd get sick.

"I think you should see for yourself."

Barney shook his head, he needed to talk to Robin, but now wasn't the right time.

"Barney, you still love her, I know you do. You two need to talk, before it's too late. You can still fix this."

"No, Lil, we can't. Not right now. Right now, all I need is a beer."

Barney outstretched his arm, about to grab an ice cold brew. Lily tipped the box slightly, sending the entire case of beer falling off the roof, to it's death.

"Oops. I guess there's no more beer up here. Looks like you'll have to go downstairs and get some from the fridge."

Reluctantly Barney climbed down the fire escape, Lily smiled smugly, as Marshall watched from a distance, shaking his head.

* * *

"I _may_ have encouraged Barney and Robin to speak to each other. But, I never told them to get drunk!"

"I knew you meddled! You always do this Lil, just let them be." Ted said angrily.

Tracy placed her hand on his arm, trying to calm him down, "None of us wanted them to get divorced, but its something they have to work out on their own. It's not our business, it's between them."

Lily nodded, she knew she shouldn't have interfered, but she couldn't help it. It was Robin and Barney, they belonged together. Besides, Barney was the one who forced her to come home from San Francisco. She wanted to return the favor, she owed it to him.

"Hey guys," Marshall spoke, and the three of them looked at him, "where's Barney?"

"Oh crap." Lily muttered.

* * *

_Elsewhere_

Barney stumbled down the street, a half empty bottle of whiskey in his hand. Party goers donning costumes pushed past him as he failed to keep his balance. The streets were spinning, Barney knew where he wanted to go, but couldn't find it.

He grasped onto a trash can near him, and threw up. His vomit consisted solely of the alcohol he'd consumed over the past hour, and his throat burned after. He rinsed his mouth with some whiskey, Barney closed the bottle and hailed a cab. He directed them towards an address in Brooklyn.

* * *

_The Next Morning_

"Barney." She cooed, her voice sweet as honey, in his ear.

"Barney, I need you."

Robin rubbed her hand in small circles on his chest.

"Please." She encouraged seductively.

Barney stroked her hair gently from her face, and leaned in to kiss her. Robin kissed back, her tongue gliding along the curve of his lips, he shuddered pleasantly.

"I missed you Barney."

Her blue eyes gazed into his, and he felt his heart grow, amongst other things.

"I'm so glad you're back, you're home." Robin whispered as she left a trail of kisses from his neck, down to his collar bone.

Barney pulled Robin on top of him, and tilted her head towards him, the two of them leaned in until their foreheads touched.

"Daddy's home."

Robin giggled, and rolled her eyes, then leaned in to kiss him. He was an idiot, but he was her idiot, and nothing, could ever change that.

Barney's arms tightened around her as their kisses grew feverous, their bodies molding together, diminishing any lingering space between them. Barney held her tight and rolled over, switching positions.

The bed underneath him disappeared, along with the woman on top of him. Barney felt the cold wooden floor against his back.

Opening his eyes, he looked around, disoriented, Barney was staring at the ceiling. Adding to his confusion, was the smell of freshly brewed coffee, which had found it's way into the bedroom. He sat up abruptly, and heard the sound of people talking in his living room. He stood up, and reached for his robe, wincing as his right shoulder throbbed in pain.

_What the hell happened last night?_

Everything after having sex with Robin was a complete blur, and the pain in his head, and shoulder were not helping with the recollection.

As he walked toward the door, he caught a glimpse of himself in mirror. His reflection showed red scrape on his right cheek. His fingertips grazed the mark, and his body tensed, recoiling from his own touch.

Barney heard shuffling feet outside his bedroom door, and pulled away from his injured reflection. He didn't know who was in his apartment, but from the number of voices he'd heard, he had a suspicion.

He opened the door, and was greeted by his four best friends, and a familiar white banner with bright red letters.

"Barney, I think you should sit down." Ted's voice was serious, his eyes full of sadness.

"This is about Robin." He asked, staring at Lily, and she nodded.

"Barney, we didn't want to do this. We didn't want to _have _to do this. But after last night …" Lily's voice trailed off, she wasn't sure how much he remembered.

Barney wasn't sure how they'd found out about the quickie he and Robin had, but he assumed this was the reason for the intervention.

"I don't know why that happened." He send meekly, "There was just so much tension, and it's been weeks since I slept with anyone. So when she came onto me –"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Ted interrupted.

Barney looked up at him, confused.

"You guys _slept _together?" He asked.

He stared at his friends' faces of shock, and Barney realized that the gang had no idea.

"You didn't know?"

"I can't believe you guys slept together! When did this even happen?" Marshall's tone of concern quickly changed to one of horror, "No, no no. Don't tell me it was in our apartment."

Barney smirked guiltily and shrugged his shoulders.

"That doesn't even make sense, they were never alone together. Except for when Barney went to the kitchen and Robin was –" Lily paused, and turned towards Barney.

"Youuuu son of a bitch. You guys had sex in our kitchen?!"

"You've tainted our kitchen." Marshall accused.

Barney rolled his eyes, "Please, Marshall. You and Lily have sex in your kitchen all the time. Besides it's not the first time Robin and I got it on in there." He added with a wink.

"We cook for our children in there!"

Ignoring Marshall, Barney turned towards Tracy, "Wait, if that's not what this intervention is about, then what's going on?"

"Barney," Tracy began, "we all love you, and Robin, so much. We were all their for your wedding, and we could see how heartbroken you were over the divorce. But now, it's time to make a choice."

"A choice?"

"Yes. You have to decide whether or not you're willing to move on."

"What exactly happened last night?"

Ted sat down on the couch, and patted the spot next to him, inviting Barney to join. Once seated, Ted began to explain everything that Barney couldn't remember.

* * *

_The Previous Night_

Barney staggered out of the cab, grasping onto a nearby tree for support. He reached down and grabbed a hand full of pebbles from around the tree. Forcing his feet to move clumsily down the street, Barney found the third window on the second floor, and stood below it.

He took a step back and tossed a couple of pebbles at a time. The alcohol in his body effected his depth perception, and Barney missed the window by a long shot. With each try, his aim improved only marginally, and soon he was out of rocks.

"ROBIN! RAAH-BIIIN!" He yelled so loudly, he felt it through his whole body. Barney needed her to hear him, he needed them to talk.

"ROBIN! I –"

Barney heard footsteps coming from behind him, next thing he knew, he was lying on the ground. He opened his eyes, and felt the rough, cool sidewalk against his cheek. A firey sensation shot up his spine, and spread across his right shoulder and arm. The weight of someone else's body on top of him shifted, and he slowly got up, brushing off his suit.

Barney turned around, and saw Ted, Marshall, Lily and Tracy standing before him.

"W-w-what are you guys doing here?" Barney asked through a drunken slur.

"Come on sweetie, we've got to get you out of here." Tracy said.

"No, no, I can't go nowhere. I gotta tell Robin. I gotta tell her. I lo-"

Barney stopped midsentence and stared at Tracy, fear filled his eyes, his face looked flushed. She put her hands on his shoulders, trying to keep him from swaying.

"Barney, what's wrong?"

Barney bent his head down and barfed, covering both Tracy and himself in his puke. She was about to freak out, when Robin's window lit up. Marshall scrambled to hail a cab, and the five of them rushed into the car. The yellow taxi drove off, and Robin peered her head out the window, staring into the dark empty street.

* * *

"I went to her apartment?" Barney asked in disbelief.

Lily nodded, and rubbed his back lightly.

"Wow. I really Ted-ed out about this, didn't I?"

"Hey!" Ted call out, offended, the others ignored him.

"You really did." Marshall agreed.

"Did she see me?"

Tracy shook her head, "Marshall tackled you to the ground before you could say something stupid."

Seeing that Barney was upset enough as it was, she omitted the part about him showering the two of them in vomit. Along with Ted and Marshall having to put a suited up Barney into the shower to hose off the vomit and gravel.

Barney sighed in relief, "Well at least that explains the sore shoulder, and scraped cheek." He paused, taking a deep breath before speaking, "I have to let her go don't I?"

Tracy rubbed his back, "Is that what you want?"

He knew it wasn't, Barney wanted to win her back. Problem was, he was drained, emotionally, mentally, and physically. Letting Robin go would be the hardest thing he'd ever have to do, but after their divorce, he'd lost all hope. Some people were just meant to be alone, Barney came to the conclusion that he was just one of those people.

"Yeah." He lied.

Lily saw right through it, and shook her head.

"I don't understand, if you miss her so much, why'd you divorce in the first place? It just seems so out of character."

"We were fighting."

"Everyone fights, Barney." Marshall told him.

"It's what she wanted. When Robin offered an out from our marriage, I assumed it was her way of saying it was over. That trip was really stressful for both of us, we were arguing everyday. I was so hungover when she asked, I just took it. I didn't want to fight anymore. I didn't want to be a burden on her, and I knew she wouldn't leave on her own."

"Barney, you're not a burden." Ted reassured, but Barney shrugged his shoulders in response, staring at his feet.

Ted handed Barney a mug of hot coffee, and Barney took it, looking into the black liquid. He watched the lines of white steam drift upward and caress his face. When he turned the mug, and saw a drawing of the original Star Wars characters, a pang of sadness filled him. The mug had been a gift from Robin, she'd found it in a store on one of her trips, and brought it back for him.

In late 2015, Robin was called on a sudden overnight business trip to California. Barney tried to hide his discontent, he'd finally convinced the guys to let her join in during Trilogy Time, and she was going to miss it. To make it up to him, Robin brought back a Star Wars mug and even fulfilled his Stromtrooper fantasy.

Barney grimaced at the ceramic mug in his hands, and placed it down on the coffee table. Barney stood up and walked to the patio, he needed some fresh air.

"I'm uh, I'm going to go for a smoke." He explained, and his friends watched him leave.

Barney left, and Lily got up and ran to the bathroom, tears streaming down her face.

.

"Lil?" Marshall called from outside the bathroom door.

"I'm sorry, baby, I just can't do this."

He could hear in her voice that she was crying, and all he wanted was to hold her.

"Lilypad, I'm coming in."

Marshall opened the door to the bathroom, and saw Lily sitting on the lid of the toilet seat, sobbing into her hands. Marshall scooped her small frame into his, and sat against the wall, letting Lily cry in against his chest.

After she'd calmed down, Marshall finally asked, "Baby, what's wrong?"

"Robin didn't want the divorce. She blames herself, she told me she's still in love with Barney. And, and -"

"And you can't tell Barney, because Robin is your best friend and told you in confidence." Marshall finished for her.

Lily sniffled, "Barney's my best friend too, and he's always there for us in his own creepy way. I can't not tell him."

"I know it's tough, but Lilypad, you can't tell him. Promise me you will keep quiet about this."

Lily nodded reluctantly, "I just wish I could make them see it."

Marshall stroked her hair gently, "Me too."

.

_Meanwhile_

Tracy joined Ted on the sofa, and placed her head on his knee. He played with her curls, and the two of them sat in silence for a while.

"We can't tell them, can we?" Ted asked sadly.

Her head shook gently against his leg, "Not today."

She heard Ted sigh, and reached to grab his hand. Their fingers interlocked, and she pressed the back of his hand to her lips.

"Soon, I promise."

"But it's such great news! They deserve to know."

"Not today."

The door to the balcony swung open, and the scent of cigarette smoke immediately filled the living room. Tracy sat up, she and Ted watching from the couch, Barney didn't seem to notice them.

Barney stomped into the kitchen, he opened the cabinets and found the glass with the tiny chip on it. He held it in his hand for a few seconds, looking at it thoughtfully, then he threw it against the floor. Tiny pieces of glass were scattered everywhere.

The commotion sent Marshall, Lily, Ted and Tracy to their feet. The four watched from behind the counter, allowing Barney to take out his frustrations.

Staring at the shattered glass on the floor, Barney felt a rush of power and emotion that made him want to continue. He opened another cabinet, and grabbed their wedding china. One by one, Barney slammed each piece against the ground. With the final plate in hand, he wiped his tears with the sleeve of his suit, then tossed it at the floor.

Barney fell to the floor, his hand clasped tight around a piece of the last plate. As he sat among the pieces of broken glass, he chuckled to himself – almost maniacally – at the irony of it all. This was exactly where he belonged. Barney was nothing more than a broken plate, one that was once a part of something beautiful. There was no repairing the chipped glass, or their wedding china, and there was no repairing him.

Tracy grabbed the broom, sweeping the mess, while Ted and Marshall picked up the larger pieces and placed them in a trash bag. Lily grabbed the first aid kit from Barney's bathroom and squatted next to him, careful not to sit on any glass. She grabbed Barney's hand, tending to a deep red gash that ran through his palm. He stared blankly ahead, tears in his eyes, and a lump in his throat.

He may have been broken beyond repair, but his friends were always there to pick up the pieces.


End file.
